Ever since I have been on Escitalopram, my dreams have been quite vivid. Most of them resemble action-packed Hollywood movies, but some of them are really unpleasant. I have noticed a recurring pattern of vivid bad dreams, documented below:

Unable to graduate

I have covered this one in a dedicated article before and the pattern is simple.

1. I am working in some company
2. I have still not graduated (Failed some exams many times)
3. I have x number of months to graduate before I lose my job and my career ends

I think the root of this bad dream is the fact that I graduated under such improbable circumstances.

Living in Squalor

This is a more recent theme of bad dreams. The pattern is

1. I am back in Nagpur
2. I am living with roommates
3. The house we are living in filthy (toilet juice leaking into the bedroom)
4. I have to share a room (and in worse versions, bed) with someone else

I think people who have grown up living in the first world will never have bad dreams with this theme. For me, personally, I think this stems from the summer I lived at T-Point hostel in Nagpur when the toilet exploded and spread shit everywhere. The worst part is, everyone continued with their life as usual for months before the shit was cleaned from the floor.

Another part may be because I value privacy a lot and have always dreaded not hving my own personal space. But I always lucked out by having great/understanding roommates who let me have my own room.

Legs not working

This is another common theme for me. It goes something like

1. I have to get somewhere soon
2. My legs have turned into jelly and cannot support my weight anymore and I cannot walk

I can’t figure out where this one comes from. The interwebs suggests this means I am dissatisfied about where I am in life and not being able to reach where I really want to be. Which is strange, because (I think) I am quite satisfied with how my life has been going.

Overnight journey on Indian Railways

he theme of this one goes like:

1. I have to travel overnight on a train in India
2. The window is leaking water
3. The train is filthy
4. People walking around (blackened) bare-feet
5. In worst versions, my berth is near the toilet and I can smell piss and shit all day and night

I know where this one comes from. Travelling on Indian trains overnight have been some of the worst moments of my life. I can never sleep. A few times, I even travelled on shared seats. Can you imagine how disgusting that can be?

Indian railways is also one of the most corrupt organisations in India and at one time, it meant that to get a confirmed seat, you had to pay a bribe.

Thankfully, I have not made such a trip in over 15 years.

Being sick as a child

I know most people have awesome memories of their childhoods, mine are mostly of me being sick (Having cold, mostly). Am not even exaggerating, I used to be sick all the time. But my most common sick dream is

1. I am at a hotel with my parents
2. There’s some 80s or 90s Hindi movie on the TV
3. My mother is trying to put me to sleep, but my nose is blocked and I feel awful

There are a few other variations, all of them involve me not being able to sleep because I have a cold and my nose is blocked.

Thankfully, I was able to fix myself for good, during adulthood.