Category Archives: Hate

I hate haircuts

For as long as I remember, I have hated haircuts. People who know me would think that I like letting my hair grow out, but that’s not true. I just hate the process of getting a haircut. If there was a device that would cut my hair exactly the same every few weeks, I would buy it in an instant and never go to a barber again.

Not me

I hate haircuts so much, I would rather look like a shaggy hobo than go to a barber.

I hate haircuts so much, I have actually shaved my head at home at least 10 times in as many years to avoid going to a barber for the next few months.

Why? Simply because

  1. I cannot stand the small talk. I have been to many-many different barbers over the years and they all seem to by infected by the same disease of yapping. They just can’t stop making small talk while they do the deed.
  2. Every single barber will try to push extra services on you. Some comment that your face looks dry and you can use a deep face something. Some comment that you have dandruff and your scalp needs steam treatment. However, the most common push in India is for a head/face massage. Why I would want my barber to rub his hands all over my head and face is beyond me. I am sure some people enjoy such things, however, I don’t. When you refuse these services, they look at you, judging you for being a horrible human being.

I would rather pay them extra just to shut up and leave me alone and do what they are told. The only barbers who don’t bother you with this crap are in high end salons, which is where I prefer to go (infrequently) now.

Sanghi Rule

The country is going to the dogs.
1 year before Narendra Modi came to power, things slowly started to change in the country. Suddenly the word “Hindoo” started getting used much more around the office and in general life.
RSS[1]
Everywhere around me, chants of “NaMo NaMo” started gaining fervour slowly, but surely. Being an atheist, I have never  been in favour of political parties with a religious agenda, but surely NaMo would be a sensible man and would focus on things that matter instead of religion, right? He would keep his party people and the RSS in check, right?
Wrong.
One year since he became Prime Minister, the following things have happened in the country

  1. Beef has been banned in my state and many other states of the country. Being a person who likes eating beef, I am not happy with this move. There have been a few incidents of mobs killing Moslems on the suspicion of eating beef.
  2. Almost all new kid’s shows on TV are now based on Hindoo mythology starring the child versions of Hindoo gods.
  3. Gurgaon has been renamed to Gurugram, Allahabad renamed to Prayagraj and talks of Shimla to be renamed to Shyamala and Delhi to be renamed to Indraprastha, soon.
  4. Ramen from Nissin and Nestle both tested positive for high levels of MSG and were banned for a couple of months. Ramdev Baba, a known BJP crony “coincidentally” chose that exact same time to launch his own brand of instant noodles and immediately filled the void in the market. Nissin and Nestle both successfully appealed and got the band removed (turns out the test results were wrong), but by then the damage was done and Ramdev Baba’s noodles were already famous.
  5. One day after the PM banned most denominations of currency, a full page advertisement by PayTM (which gained most users because of the ban) was displayed on the front pages of most Indian newspapers with the PM’s photo prominently displayed. Is the shameless endorsement of private companies by a country’s sitting PM even allowed?

The country is going to the dogs.

Spawn from Hell & Haraamzada

So I was at the mall, sitting on a bench when I come across these two. The kid is almost 2 years old and still sucking on a soother. One look at his face and you are sure he is a Spawn from Hell.
While the Spawn from hell is hanging out with his man-servant, pulling his hair and being a dick in general, his father comes over and screams at the servant “Yaha kya marwa raha hai haraamzade?” (What are you doing here, bastard?) in front of his son.
Haraamzada and Spawn from Hell must both be partially deaf, because the father is shouting at the top of his voice.

Spawn from hell must want something from one of the stores, that his father is in no mood to spend money on, because he immediately lies down face downwards and starts beating his fists on the floor. The father gently kicks him over so that he is face up and cannot beat his fists anymore.
While the parents walk away, the haraamzada servant bends down to pick up the spawn. The spawn shouts “haraamzade” one last time before giving up and resigning to his toy-less fate.

Pathetic Freeloaders

What won’t people do for free stuff? Fisher and Paykel had an exhibition at Ambience Mall, Gurgaon where they had a chef make food using their products. People who sat for the demonstration would get this food for free.

Losers
More Losers

We saw this scene when we reached the mall and after more than an hour later, while walking by, we saw the same group of people sitting there, licking free ice cream. Surprisingly, it was not people from the lower class who were wasting their time for free ice cream, bit rather well to do people. Pathetic. Bonus: Another (or the same) set of losers getting photos clicked in front of Valentine’s day decorations

Don’t touch Priyanka Chopra’s Sphincter

A few years ago, some fans/lovers of Priyanka Chopra told her that she could sing. She immediately took this to heart and teamed up with famous Pop/Rap musicians and released pathetic “singles”, which no one remembers.
Recently some high up executive from the Schmitten chocolate company had the privilege of sleeping with our dear Piggy Chops and had to green light a Television commercial for their erstwhile reputed chocolate company, sung and danced to, by Priyanka Chopra.
Priyanka Chopra being pathetic Priyanka Chopra could only fake her accent so much, as the result of which, the TVC closes with her loudly exclaiming “Don’t you touch my Sphincter!!!”

What in Satan’s name is this?

Well, I was hanging around at a club yesterday, for an office party. Office parties being office parties, I found myself distracted and veered off to the side. Soon, I found my eyes wandering towards the TV. Incidentally, it had MTV on it. I was greeted with this scene

WTF

That is Katy Perry (I think?) with fireworks bursting out of her Bosom. There was no audio (thankfully), so I couldn’t understand what caused her to contract such an ailment, but that seems to be the gist of the song. Please also note that that’s the only place the fireworks seem to be coming from.
I have avoided watching such channels for years, exactly because of such “artists”. Earlier, albums used to sell well because they had good music. These days, it’s all because of such gimmicky videos, synthesized music, skin show and something called “Twerking”.
I feel old.

Why I hated Rockstar

First of all, I would start off by saying that many will be super-pissed to read this. This is purely my personal opinion and it is understandable if most people don’t agree with me. In fact I might have liked the movie if-
1. The movie was not named Rockstar
2. The second half was compressed into half hour
I had very high hopes when the movie was initially announced because the movie was to be shot mostly in and around Delhi and I have a soft corner for such movies. My hopes went considerably down when I came to know that A.R. Rehman would be composing music for the movie. I swore not to watch it, but was coaxed into watching it by friends. Here’re some salient points from the movie
+ Ranbir Kapoor acted well
– Ranbir Kapoor’s character’s (JJ’s) living conditions were totally un-realistic. Apparently the walls in his house (which by the way were covered with Jim Morrison’s posters) had big holes in them. Maybe they wanted to show that Jats are resistant to heat/rain/cold/insects.
– The music in the movie is not Rock. A.R. Rehman cannot get away with pretending to compose rock. The music in Rock-On!! was Rock; the music in Rockstar was Pop with heavy guitar riffs (which feel out of place in the songs) and guitar solos (which appear out of no-where and feel out of place as well). Well, you can’t have high hopes from the person who composed one of the worst and most hyped songs in the history of Hollywood and won an Oscar for it.
– Mohit Chauhan might be a good singer (I personally am not aware of his work), but he is no rocker. Shouting “Hey Hey” multiple times doesn’t make you a rocker.
– The actress Nargis Fakhri cannot act. Her pout is distractingly irritating. Her character was too extreme to be true as well. Her transformation from a Shareef girl from a well to do family to wanting to watch Porn Movies in the theaters of old Delhi and having Desi Daroo was too much to digest. Even Indian boys who leave home and go to different cities for the first time don’t do this. She could have settled for watching Porn at home and having regular alcohol.
– The movie showed it’s true Bollywood roots when Heer (Nargis) dies (in India) while the JJ (Ranbir) (who was deported from the Czech Republic on criminal charges, but is surprisingly allowed to return back) is in the middle of a passionate solo in a concert in the Czech Republic. How is JJ supposed to know she’s dead right at that moment? He can’t receive calls while he’s on stage. To make it convenient for him, Heer’s ghost takes a detour on her way to hell (remember the alcohol and the porn?) and visits JJ on stage as a final farewell.
The only reason I was able to sit through the whole movie was because me and one of my friends (who also didn’t want to watch the movie) made fun of it all the time and passed comments.
For some ligh-hearted fun, read the Vigil Idiot post on this movie.

Why Delhi/NCR doesn’t deserve Metallica (or any other band)

After the Bryan Adams fiasco and concert cancellation in February, here I am, spending another disappointed night at home. Metallica’s first concert in India, one I was looking forward to for months was cancelled. I don’t agree with what most of the news channels are saying; here’re the events as I saw them myself from the venue

  1. Gates were to be opened at 3:00 PM. The security personnel/organizers didn’t anticipate people queuing up since morning. By the time it was 3:00 PM, there was a huge dis-organized crowd, almost 30,000 strong, impatient to get it. The security personnel should have started organizing people in queues from the very beginning (Hats off to concerts I have seen in Mumbai; excellent organization and obedient people)
  2. Before the gates were to be opened, the security staff shouted at the crowd that unless they get into proper queues, they won’t open the gates. A 30,000 strong crowd (especially a metal concert crowd) can’t organize themselves in a queue just like that.
  3. After failing to form a proper queue, the security personnel just opened the gates. The crowd mass directly in the front of the gate surged forward, the ones on the left or the right, sensing that they aren’t making much progress, started pushing the whole crowd. This was sheer torture. For almost 40 minutes, we had to almost suffocate in the unruly crowd and risk being stampeded if we fell down. The ground was uneven. Many girls almost suffocated and had to plead with the crowd to let them leave.
  4. During entry, the security staff failed to keep up with the massive crowd surge. Not all tickets were checked and frisking was a joke.
  5. Once in, the people right at the front rushed towards the stage, banged against the barriers separating the stage from the crowd and broke them. Slowly people settled down and the crew members noticed that the front barriers were broken
  6. Crew members politely asked the crowd to move back a little so that the barriers could be repaired. The crowd did nothing
  7. Another crew member asked the crowd to do the same. They just kept standing like they couldn’t understand what was said to them.
  8. Another crew member called the crowd ‘buttheads’. At this point, the crowd started abusing back (but still didn’t move)
  9. Another crew-member politely told the crowd that the concert cannot start unless the barricades were repaired and that cannot happen with the crowd still pushing against it. Still, nothing.
  10. This went on for some more time. They also flashed the text on the screens which said the same thing. The crowd just laughed, abused and threw bottles towards the stage
  11. The crowd waited till around 18:30 when they were told that the show was postponed till tomorrow because of technical difficulties. At this point, the people standing towards the front went berserk and passing the already broken barriers, climbed up on the stage. They broke microphones, monitors and speakers.
  12. A few people gathered a banner and set it on fire.
  13. While I decided to leave, my last view was of a group of people trying to pull a huge speaker (towards the middle of the ground) down. There was not a single policeman to witness the whole event
I think the following factors contributed to this disaster
  1. The organizers/security personnel had little or no experience of dealing with a Heavy Metal concert crowd. The failed to ensure order from the very beginning. They didn’t anticipate such an early turnout and didn’t make arrangements for queues.
  2. Press says that the organizers were facing technical issues with sound, I cannot comment on this because I don’t know this for sure, but they did goof up big time. They failed to control an already unruly crowd and kept them waiting for too long before breaking bad news
  3. I feel the crowd was the biggest factor. Most of the people were unruly, already drunk/high and very different from rock/metal crowd you see in cities like Mumbai and Bangalore.
I see reports coming in now that the gig won’t be held tomorrow either, but will instead be scrapped. I understand that a band needs some rest between subsequent gigs (Metallica has another gig in Bangalore on Sunday), but the unruly behaviour/vandalism by the crowd ealed their fate. Metallica will not risk performing before such a crowd. Here’s a video

The people of Delhi/NCR don’t deserve to be rocked by Metallica (or any big band for that matter).

Kolkata – Still the City of Sorrow

This is not the first time I am ranting about this city. See these

How to win a cricket match

Why Calcutta sucks…

Kolkata

P.D.A. in Kolkata

Last weekend, I got the opportunity to visit the city after a span of 2.5 years. Here’re a few things I noticed that have changed and some things that have not
Changed:-

  1. Some signs of development are showing up (2 new Metro Lines)
  2. More cars on the roads
Not Changed:-
  1. The filth still exists everywhere and in greater quantities
  2. People still bathe on the streets
  3. The cars still honk like crazy; driving etiquettes are non-existent
  4. City is still severely polluted, buses still run on cheap Kerosene/Diesel Mix
  5. People are still Lazy, un-friendly & in a state of perpetual anger
  6. Kolkata Airport is the worst airport in the country at the moment

The city has a quality of bringing a lethargic feeling even to high-spirited individuals. I used to leave the place I was staying at to go out multiple times a day, only to feel tired in some time and come back.
I had given some thought to shift there in the past few months (to save on money), but all those thoughts are now gone.