Pathetic Indian Expats

As per Wikipedia, Indians make up the biggest group of expats in the world. Also, Indians seem to be leaving their country in droves. This post is not about Indian expats in general, but about a specific group. This group lies somewhere between migrant labourers and well earning/spending Indian expats and makes up a sizeable chunk of expat Indians.

Indian Expat Roommates, PC: YouTube

This group of Indian expats doesn’t leave their home country to provide a better life to themselves and their families. These Indians want one thing only – To save as much money as possible. Unfortunately, over the years, I have met many such pathetic lowlives.

These Indian Expats

  1. Emigrate to other countries without their families. The idea is they earn in a higher-valued currency and send money back home where the family spends it in a lower-valued Rupee. Is more common among Indian women, as they see it as a way to escape their in-laws.
  2. Work for desi companies like TCS, Wipro, Infosys who pay below market standards as per the host country, but more than they pay in India. However, I have also seen such people in more reputable companies earning a decent wage.
  3. Shack-up with roommates in tiny hovels. Some are middle aged, pushing 40, but still share a bed with other lowlives like themselves in tiny apartments. Also, they all start hating each other after some time, but still stick around in the same house. Because cheaping out on money is more important.
    I have shared homes with other guys when I was in/fresh out of college, but never shared the same bed and only once shared the same room. At this age, I would rather sleep in the streets than share a room with other guys.
  4. Are all extremely miserly. Don’t spend money at all, cook all their meals at home themselves.
  5. Frequent (cheap) whorehouses to fulfil their carnal desires.
  6. Spend long hours at work, because there’s more space compared to their rooms.
  7. Assume that just because you’re Indian too, you will drop everything to help them with their work.
  8. Order around and behave rudely with staff at Indian restaurants.
  9. Are universally disliked by the local population and normal expats.
  10. Return to India after saving enough money to buy 2-3 houses and be branded “foreign return”.

Basically executives/managers living lives of labourers. Personally, I keep my distance from such people as much as possible as they depress me.

Motorcycle Parking Discrimination

Happy New Year!

Over the last year, I have noticed a peculiar trend in Bangkok. Almost every parking area in Bangkok has a separate space for big bikes/superbikes. These separate parking places are generally better than the regular motorcycle parking spaces. Sometimes they are even free to park at. Here’re some examples

Terminal 21 has a separate space for motorcycles >500cc. The floor is even a different colour and the spaces are wider than usual.

MotorCycle Parking at Terminal 21
Segregated Motorcycle Parking at Terminal 21

CentralWorld not only has a separate “SuperBike” section, but also a SuperCar section (Not even BMWs/Audis/Mercedeses are allowed). The floor has a deluxe veneer. You can even see your reflection on the floor.

River City Bangkok has a separate space for “Big Bikes”. The parking attendant took pity on me and let me park there.

MotorCycle Parking at RiverCity Bangkok
Big Bike Parking at River City

Bumrungrad hospital even has a whole separate ramp to enter the parking area for “SuperBikes”.

IconSiam‘s parking is probably the most exclusive with the cutoff at 800cc. Nothing below that is allowed.

MotorCycle Parking at IconSiam
Motorcycle Parking at IconSiam

I wonder if people are civil enough to not park at such places if their motorcycles don’t qualify, or if there parking attendant needs to check some kind of documentation to verify.

Paytm Sucks Balls

Continuing with the series, the next entry in my list is Paytm, which sucks balls.

Paytm is an Indian payment giant. It first entered the market in 2010, when payment and wallet apps were not so popular. But it was in 2016 when the Indian government demonetised major currency notes, that it gained major popularity. No thanks to a front page newspaper advertisement endorsed by the Prime Minister himself. Over the years, Paytm became synonymous with digital payments and every small vendor started accepting it.

Over the years, the app has also turned into one of the finest examples of bloatware. Opening the app takes you to its front page, 80% of which is bloat with only a single bar dedicated to something useful.

Paytm sucks Balls

Scrolling down reveals a never-ending series of advertisements and offers.

What else do you expect from someone who not only looks repulsive, but also acts like this?

https://youtu.be/rbs7adwyd1s
“Impassioned” speech

Frankly speaking, I never understood the concept of keeping your money in a dedicated “wallet”. UPI rightfully took a dent out of this market by bringing the convenience of a wallet to any app while you get to keep your money in your bank account.

I am just glad I don’t have to use their services anymore.

Home Garden – Calibrachoa Hybrid

Ever since I moved to Bangkok, I have avoided buying new plants, because I always assumed that this was a temporary arrangement. I bought 1 Palm but that’s it. As it has become more clear that I will be here for a while, I have started considering buying some plants here. Last weekend, I got a Calibrachoa Hybrid.

The Calibrachoa Hybrid, is an evergreen short-lived perennial. Here’s a good website with more information about this plant.

Calibrachoa Hybrid
Calibrachoa Hybrid

This plant consists of a lot of dense flowers. My flowers have pink petals and orange centers.

I keep this plant in full sunlight all the time.

The Calibrachoa requires no maintenance at all.

I water it every other day.

I fertilise it every 2 months or when it shows signs of growth.

Here’re some good tools which will help you with your gardening.

The Matrix: Resurrections-Another Chance

Few days after walking out on The Matrix: Resurrections, I realised that the movie I had been waiting for so long deserves at least a full watch. So today, I decided to watch it again, this time all the way through. I also realised that the first time, I had some expectations of what I wanted to see; which I decided to leave behind this time.

The good news is, The Matrix: Resurrections is not as bad as the first 1 hour. The bad news is, it is still pretty average and forgettable.

Unlike the original trilogy, which was a philosophical/existential story with action thrown in, this one is primarily a love story with action thrown in. In the original trilogy, Neo and Smith were 2 sides of the same coin and were shown as a (not romantic) pair. Now it is Neo and Trinity who are an unseparable pair and one cannot function without the other. This is inconsistent with the original trilogy because Neo did just fine without trinity for decades, before being freed. The original trilogy had a serious tone, this one tries to be funny more than once.

Some More Points

  1. Neo now has a new signature move where he can Jedi force-stop everything – bullets, blows, missiles.
  2. The Merovingian is now deranged and suffers from overacting. Looks like he was added for pure nostalgia reasons.
  3. The new Agent Smith is not at all menacing. He tries too hard to sound & act like the original one but comes across as silly. Also, no one knows why he is doing what he is doing. First he beats up Neo something fierce, but later on saves their group.
  4. The new characters like Bugs lack true character, although the new Morpheus is good.
  5. Niobe is a bigger bitch than she was before.
  6. Too many flashbacks from the original trilogy in almost every scene.
  7. The new Architect/Analyst sucks. The last Architect was a suave and calculating program. This one is sexist, gets beaten up by Smith and even gets bitch slapped by Trinity. While the original Architect prided himself on being a program and hence not a liar, this one is a lying, conniving crook.
  8. Priyanka Chopra as Sati with her fake American accent is horrible. I hated seeing her. She cannot compare to the Oracle.
  9. The final action sequence (swarm mode) feels like a zombie movie.
  10. By the end, even Trinity has superpowers like Neo. It is not explained how.
  11. The myth of “The One” has been debunked. Although the Architect confirmed it to be true in The Matrix: Reloaded.
  12. The background score doesn’t really match the mood of the movie.

On a positive note, The Matrix: Resurrections answers quite a lot of questions pending from the original trilogy.

Some Questions Still Remaining

  1. Why did Neo age only 20 years in the real world when 60 years have passed?
  2. How did Neo have powers in the real world in Revolutions?
  3. How is Smith still around, when he was purged at the end of Revolutions? Why didn’t the machines get rid of him, considering he was a problem for them?

Also, the end credits have this version of Wake Up

https://youtu.be/teZUOeotO5g?t=29
Wake UP live by Brass Against

The Matrix: Resurrections is a cruel joke

I have been a huge fan of the original Matrix Trilogy. They were thought-provoking, philosophical movies. So, when The Matrix: Resurrections was announced, I was very excited. I followed its progress for over more than a year. When ticket bookings started, I booked tickets on Day 1 and went to see it on the release weekend.

I have only one thing to say: Lana Wachowski is mentally sick and needs medical help.

The Matrix: Resurrections feels like a fan-made YouTube video, but with real big-name actors and actresses, financed by a reputable studio. From the very first scene, it is evident that the movie was directed by someone with no artistic skills. There’s no story as such, just a collection of bizarre scenes with no connections to each other. I don’t joke when I say that creatively challenged me would have made a better sequel.

Neo is back as Thomas Anderson, who is now a world-famous game developer. He is the developer of the Matrix Trilogy of games, who is forced by his company to develop Part four against his will. He is also a suicide survivor. His favourite thing is repeating “This can’t be real” over and over again and making cringey faces. Also,

  • Morpheus is somehow Agent Smith
  • Thomas Anderson’s boss is also somehow Agent Smith
  • Trinity is “Tiffany”, who people openly call a “MILF”

In the scene where Thomas Anderson meets “Tiffany” for the first time, her son asks him “Are you going to bone my mom?”.

What the fuck did I just see?

I had to pinch myself a few times to check whether I was dreaming or if all this was real. I also kept waiting to see if this was all just a joke and the real movie would start soon. Eventually, I couldn’t take any more and left an hour in. I don’t remember watching a movie this bad that I left before the interval. Even the propaganda video everyone is forced to watch and stand for was more entertaining.

I thought Chronicles of Riddick was the worst sequel ever, but this takes the cake. This is not only the worst sequel ever, but possibly the worst big-budget movie ever made.

I wonder at what point the cast and crew of the movie realised how shitty this movie is going to be and but were too embarassed to back out.

Now please excuse myself while I cleanse my brain by consuming alcohol and pretend that this never happened.

Chandigarh Boys

I loved living in Chandigarh and still miss it terribly. There’s something about the well planned, laid back nature of the city that attracts me to it. But it was after I left that place that I began to notice that the boys of Chandigarh were somehow different from the boys in the rest of India. Especially the ones who have stayed there their entire lives and never moved out.

Chandigarh Boys, PC: Youtube
Chandigarh Boys, PC: Youtube

Chandigarh Boys

  1. Consider themselves superior to the rest of Indians.
  2. Don’t have much exposure to the world outside their tri-city area. For them everything beyond Delhi is “South India”.
  3. Brag about their “kothis” and discuss their sizes in “marla” and “kanals“.
  4. Plan whose farmhouse they will take girls to, on the weekend.
  5. When going to Sector 17, park their cars in the parking lots at the outer peripheries of the market, where parking is ₹5 cheaper.
  6. Drive scooters/motorcycles/cars starting at the age of 12.
  7. Take the above vehicles on the Gedi Route in the evenings & weekends.
  8. Call Discos and clubs as “disc”.
  9. Those who cannot afford clubbing, drink with friends in the car (Also applicable to West Delhi boys).
  10. Brag about which discos in South Delhi they have visited.
  11. Even if you are from Mohali/Panchkula/Zirakpur, tell people you are from Chandigarh. I myself have been guilty of this.
  12. If you stay in Chandigarh, look down on the people from Mohali/Panchkula/Zirakpur.
  13. If you go to one of the Catholic Boys Schools (St. Johns, St. Anne’s), look down at kids from the other schools.
  14. Casually throw around the name of Le Corbusier to visitors.
  15. Make out with girls in your car, parked in the narrow unpaved road behind the lake.
  16. Always know influential people via someone’s father or uncle. For events, ask these people for free passes, because Chandigarh Boys don’t pay for shit. Also pull favours when caught by police for traffic/underage drinking violations.
  17. On Sundays go to pray at Nada Sahib or Mansa Devi to absolve yourselves of the sins of the week; organize “bhandaras” if sins are especially serious.
  18. When asked where they are from, answer with “The City Beautiful” as if the entire country/world is familiar with this phrase.

Invasion has grand ambitions but falls short

Invasion is a Sci-Fi show on Apple TV+. I actually wanted to watch Foundation but it proved too complicated and big for me, so I settled for this. The show has great special effects, good production values & a huge budget. But eventually, it ends up disappointing because of flaws in the story and the annoying characters.

Entitled American Soldier annoyed with the eponymous Invasion, PC: Series TV Online

The story is about the invasion of earth by Aliens. It follows 4 characters around the world affected by the invasion. Like other similar shows and movies, you just know the paths of these characters will merge at some point in the show. I won’t go too much into the story, because it’s the characters who sink the show.

The Characters

Sherrif Tyson is a typical old-school/small-town Sherrif who realises during his retirement party that his career has been too lacklustre. Tyson is played by Sam Neill, who is the only big-name actor in this show. All the trailers of this show focussed mostly on his characters and misled people into thinking that the show revolved around him. Instead, he appears only in one episode, climbs a few ladders, grunts a bit a then dies.

Maliks are an Islamic immigrant family living in New York. The wife is plain-looking and homely, so the husband fucks and impregnates an attractive American woman. As revenge, the wife abandons him twice to die. First time the aliens almost kill him, second time she abandons him to gun-toting vigilantes. The family pretends to be victims of Xenophobia, but the wife proves the entire point of it by stealing an American family’s SUV & abandoning injured patients. At one point another American family provides them shelter, but the Maliks leave them to die. The children only squeal and shriek.

More Characters

Trevante is a typical entitled American soldier posted in Afghanistan. Trevante displays his American values from the very first scene by insulting and abusing Afghans, even those who help him and save him from certain death. He frequently demands locals to help him, steals things from them, all the while abusing them. Trevante continues his entitled behaviour even when he lands in London, demanding Britishers to give him an entire plane to fly him to the US.

Mitsuki is arguably the most irritating character in this show. She is a low-ranking engineer at Japan’s space exploration agency. Being an Asian and a Lesbian at the same time, she satisfies demands for inclusivity and diversity in the show. At work & off, she has no qualms cutting corners and breaking rules to get what she needs. After being fired for indiscipline, she is caught hacking into some servers. She gives her boss a lecture about love & he promptly hands over his all-access card. Mitsuki goes on to hijack the biggest radio telescope of her country without any repercussions. She even develops an AI program to decode Alien language in hours. All the while shedding tears for her presumably perished lover.

Caspar is a British epileptic kid who discovers that the seizures he has been having all his life are actually mind-syncs with the Aliens. He always gets his way because his mixed-race girlfriend shows everyone some shitty sketches he made. They casually convince Trevante to escort them to a hospital to induce a seizure in Caspar. The hospital, full of patients in need of help drops everything to do just that. Eventually, when his eyes roll into his head one last time, you can’t help but hope that he’s dead.

Eventually, the Aliens are defeated in typical American fashion. The Americans fire a nuke at their mother space ship and the alien creatures just drop dead on earth. Even I, an inferior human knows not to create designs with single points of failure.

Eventually, I am glad the season is over and I hope they don’t renew it for a second season.

Food Delivery Guys Suck Balls

Food delivery guys suck balls. They have sucked balls on Day 1 and they continue to suck balls everyday since. I have experienced Food Delivery with multiple services and they almost always suck. In India it was Zomato & Uber, In Thailand it is Grab & FoodPanda. These “riders” make an otherwise enjoyable experience unpleasant.

What I Expect

  1. I choose what I want to eat and from where, I make the payment and place the order.
  2. The order magically appears on my doorstep after a reasonable amount of time.
  3. I enjoy my meal in peace.

Those who fulfill the above get a juicy tip and a nice rating.

What I get

  1. Calling me to ask if my order is confirmed. This is very common in Bangkok. You retard, if my order wasn’t confirmed, did I place it (and also paid for it) for shits and giggles? Even if I did, since I have paid for my order, your job is to bring it and not question my judgement.
  2. Calling me to tell me he is bringing my order. This was very common in India. I don’t need you to tell me you are bringing my order. I can see the status on the app.
  3. Calling me to ask my address. Asshole, my address is in my order. Secondly, I have also set my GPS co-ordinates to make things even easier for your retard self.
  4. Calling me to ask for directions. Use the navigation app on your Realme/Redmi phone instead of expecting me to ask you where you are and then give you turn-by-turn directions. I see many delivery guys and cab drivers as well who seem allergic to using the maps app on their Realme/Redmi/Vivo phones.
  5. Calling me from outside my door to tell me they have arrived. Never heard of a thing called a doorbell? If not, just keep the order in front of the door and get the fuck lost.
  6. Riding like maniacs on their ear-splitting mopeds. This one I write as a pedestrian/fellow driver, not as a customer. I think this is partly their fault & partly a result of the unrealistic expectations placed on them by their companies.

Most of these retards actually think they are doing good service by going the extra mile and calling me repeatedly. I understand that these people are underpaid and unskilled but it doesn’t require skill to use the food delivery app and the navigation app (which hopefully they are trained in).

Can’t wait for Drones to take over this job in the future.

Managers from Hell

Over my 15 years of living a corporate life, I have had many managers. An employee’s satisfaction in their job depends a lot on the kind of manager they have. However, every once in a while comes along a manager from hell and for me it was no different. In my career, I have had 2 managers from hell.

Managers from Hell
Pointy Haired Boss, PC: Pinterest

Manager from Hell-1

I came across this manager in my second job. Let’s call him PS. He was young, energetic and came from a software company. He was one of those who tried to show themselves as cool in front of their employees, but in reality was far from it.

Immediately after taking over our team, he started to stir things up. We were working in shifts and everyone was happy with their shift. He started by suggesting we rotate shifts going forward. Everyone immediately broke into protest and shut his idea down, but it gave a hint about what to expect going forward.

He started to micromanage our team’s work. Out of the blue, he would come and sit behind us staring at our screen or listening to our calls. I remember once I asked him for 1 day leave to attend a friend’s wedding in Kolkata and he refused. I had to fly to Kolkata at the end of my shift, attend the wedding and return before my next shift, all with no sleep.

Needless to say, everyone hated him and wanted him gone. Eventually he ended up irking a senior employee & the employee went high up and got him fired. We all felt sorry for him, but were glad to see him gone.

Manager from Hell-2

I had the misfortune of working with him in my second job. Strangely, it was not while working with him that he caused me grief, but later.

Let’s call him GK. This guy was inept and somewhat stupid. He never interfered in my work, and I was left on auto-pilot for most of the time, which suited us both. The only drawback was that to make up for his ineptitude, he indulged in office activities and pushed others to, too. Things like office decoration, arrangement of parties, sucking up to his bosses & other such activities.

Once, during a an office party, he invited me to come to the dance floor and dance. I was happy drinking in the sidelines, so politely refused. He kept on insisting and I continued to refuse. Eventually he said “will you come dance if I get a pussy attached between my legs?”. From that day forward, I christened him with the nickname of Pussy. Eventually everyone, including other managers started calling him that. He never indicated that he knew or was bothered, but deep down, he hated me for it.

I eventually left the job none the wiser. Years later when I tried coming back to the same company, I was blocked by HR because as it turns out, Pussy had put in a bad review for me just after I left. Also, he blocked my re-hiring when he was asked for feedback. Eventually, I had the last laugh because people higher up than him overrode him and I was hired anyway.

Others

Apart from these 2, I have been lucky to have good managers overall. My current manager is awesome and I am happy with my job because of it.

I suggest everyone in a corporate job or anyone who has had a bad manager to read Dilbert comic strips; you will relate to it. You can setup a subscription here.

Earth bound misfit, I