I have been a huge fan of the original Matrix Trilogy. They were thought-provoking, philosophical movies. So, when The Matrix: Resurrections was announced, I was very excited. I followed its progress for over more than a year. When ticket bookings started, I booked tickets on Day 1 and went to see it on the release weekend.

I have only one thing to say: Lana Wachowski is mentally sick and needs medical help.

The Matrix: Resurrections feels like a fan-made YouTube video, but with real big-name actors and actresses, financed by a reputable studio. From the very first scene, it is evident that the movie was directed by someone with no artistic skills. There’s no story as such, just a collection of bizarre scenes with no connections to each other. I don’t joke when I say that creatively challenged me would have made a better sequel.

Neo is back as Thomas Anderson, who is now a world-famous game developer. He is the developer of the Matrix Trilogy of games, who is forced by his company to develop Part four against his will. He is also a suicide survivor. His favourite thing is repeating “This can’t be real” over and over again and making cringey faces. Also,

• Morpheus is somehow Agent Smith
• Thomas Anderson’s boss is also somehow Agent Smith
• Trinity is “Tiffany”, who people openly call a “MILF”

In the scene where Thomas Anderson meets “Tiffany” for the first time, her son asks him “Are you going to bone my mom?”.

What the fuck did I just see?

I had to pinch myself a few times to check whether I was dreaming or if all this was real. I also kept waiting to see if this was all just a joke and the real movie would start soon. Eventually, I couldn’t take any more and left an hour in. I don’t remember watching a movie this bad that I left before the interval. Even the propaganda video everyone is forced to watch and stand for was more entertaining.

I thought Chronicles of Riddick was the worst sequel ever, but this takes the cake. This is not only the worst sequel ever, but possibly the worst big-budget movie ever made.

I wonder at what point the cast and crew of the movie realised how shitty this movie is going to be and but were too embarassed to back out.

Now please excuse myself while I cleanse my brain by consuming alcohol and pretend that this never happened.