This is to all the bastards who don’t let me sleep. They make it seem like they have been deliberately planted there to prevent me from having a good sleep It’s not that you do it sometimes.. Everyday you come along an interfere with my sleep. I am talking about you guys :-
- The Garbage Man:-You come along every morning at 8. I wake up at 9 so this is the time when I am trying to have the last hour of peaceful sleep. But it seems you have some problem with that. It’s not that you scream or shout or anything. You simply push your metal cart along on the road, banging it on the side with a heavy iron pipe. The sound it makes is simply terrible. Believe me. It’s like you are pounding my brain with the rod. Your speed of pushing the cart is so slow, it takes you atleast half an hour from the point the noise started hitting my ears to the time you are totally out of earshot. Apparently, your ears have already been damaged by your own noise because you cannot hear me hurling abuses at you from the window. Also the bulb(which doesn’t work anyways) that hit you on the side of the face last week was from me. Apparently, you thought someone had thrown garbage for you as you put it in your cart and trudged along without any expression on your face. Dude, If I ever see you or your cart in daylight, I am gonna do some serious damage.
- The Popcorn Man:-You make your rounds at around 5.15 in the evening. I am at college all day and have to go to gym at 5.30 so I generally try to get 20 minutes of sleep before that. But NO!! You are even more irritating than the garbage man as your Pan that you bang is made of some metal which reverbrates the sound. Even after you have stopped banging the pan, it reverbrates for atleast 5 seconds. Just like a freaking Bell.
- The Bastard with the Santro:-You come home every night at around 3 at night from who knows where. You must be whoring or pimping around as your wife is never with you. You have got this Santro that you have fitted with those gadgets which produce terrible shrieking sounds when you put your car in reverse. Again, this is another of those noises which just seem to pound your brain. You TRY parking your car every night by putting it in reverse. The shrieking sound startles me suddenly waking me up. I try sleeping when it stops but AGAIN you put your car in reverse and hence the noise. You have to put your car in reverse atleast 5 times before you can get it into your gate. Either your driving skills suck bad or you are hopelessly drunk. No wonder your gate is scrapped all around and so is your car. By the time you’re done, I am trying to get back to sleep with a terrible headache. You didn’t have to beat the local puncture-repair guy up. He didn’t deliberately puncture all your tyres, I did.
- The Hell-Hound:-You are a pure coward. You seem to be a mix-breed of a Hyena and a Mongrel. You are the Santro guy’s pet. You bark all night long at every passerby or animal. Strangely, I have never seen you bark at anyone when the gate’s open. That time, you are mostly cowering behind the Santro. Anyways, what you did last night was pure shit. You killed the Polio-ridden pomerian of next door and dragged him all over the neighbourhood. Dude, that dog was 1/4th your size. Still, you seem to take over half an hour to do it. For half an hour, I was covering my ears with my pillow as you barked at him and mangled him while the poor bastard was yelping for his life. On top of that, you chose the area in front of my house to do it. In the morning as I woke up and went out to buy my biscuits and milk, I saw that you had dragged the poor mutt to your front gate to display it like a trophy. I am waiting for you tonight with my air-gun you bastard. One shot in each of your eyes should do the trick.
- The Luna guy:-Well, you don’t choose a particular time to jar my brain but still, mostly you do it early morning at around 5. You live behind my house. You start up your 30cc moped and rev it’s engine as you would do with a sports bike. You find it necessary to warm up the engine for a full 5 minutes at full rpm before you race away to wherever you go. Furthermore, you don’t do it while your moped is on it’s rubber wheels but when it’s on it’s stand. The whole house of mine seems to vibrate with your moped. Don’t be surprised if you find your moped broken to pieces someday.
Given the chance, I would like to take the oppurtunity to beat each of them into a pulp but I am too lazy to wake up and catch you at the act. But hell-hound, you are dead tonight..