Tag Archives: Traffic

What I’ve been doing..

I am back in Kolkata. As usual, the city sucks big time. Got nothing to do, just sit at home and watch TV for hours, get a headache, have disprin, watch TV some more and then have disprin again. The weather is as humid as 6 months before. It sucks whereas Traffic is worse. Zee cafe is my favorite channel these days. Get lots of TV sitcoms like Friends, Full House(I love you michelle..), Seinfield, Caroline in the city etc. I have discovered that when couples go out in this city and visit some cafe or restaurant, they both sit on the same side of the table. Found that very wierd. Went out only once to watch a movie “Krrish”. Going to the gym in our society 5 times a week. After working out in a gym like Deshpande’s for so many months, I find it strange to workout in our colony gym which is Air Conditioned. Also, the gym has lacs of equipment for cardio but not enough for weight training. Also, the trainer is a creep whose only goal seems to be hitting on the chubby girls who workout for hours. According to him, every free weight exercise is bad for the body and damages the bones and has been banned. Also playing the guitar even though the strings are worn and I am too lazy to go out and search for new ones. The few friends I had here are busy with their girlfriends. Anyways, plan to celebrate Dad’s birthday on 10th and leave by 11th. Got a new motherboard for my PC. Can’t wait to get back to nagpur and get back on my bike. A car is OK but not the same as a bike.
Song of the day” Eye of the Tiger – Survivors”

The amazing traffic of Nagpur..

I heard that there was some information about the traffic sense of the people of Nagpur circulating around the people of Chandigarh and I thought it necessary to dispel the rumours. I am from Chandigarh and have never seen better roads or driving sense anywhere else in India. Anyways, getting back to the people of Nagpur, I would certainly say that they have great driving sense. But it is a little bit different than the rest of the country. I have tabulated the traffic rules modified especially for the high I.Q. people of Nagpur in the following points:-

  1. Remove any silencers/mufflers from your bikes/cars.
  2. If you are driving slow, drive on the rightmost lane so that people can overtake you from the left.
  3. If you are driving on the wrong side of the road, instead of driving by the side, drive straight through the middle. If it is dark, make sure you do not switch on your headlight.
  4. If you want to turn left, turn the right blinkers ON, start turning right and at the last moment change your mind and turn left thus fooling the ones behind you.
  5. To save your brake shoes from wear, don’t brake at all at a trafic signal. Use the cushioning effect of the vehicle already standing at the signal to stop you. If you are on the vehicle which has been bumped into, utter a few obsenities in Marathi and then ignore the incident as a daily occurence.
  6. While crossing the road, stand by the side of the road till you see some traffic. Wait till the vehicle is a few meters from you and then start crossing the road at a run.
  7. If you are female, disregard everything around you and start crossing the road without straying your eyes from your destination on the opposite side of the road. If you are attentive enough to hear the screeching of vehicles coming to a stop because of you, give them a look as if they deserve death.
  8. If you have already crossed the road, turn back at the last moment so that at least one of the vehicles(only 2-wheelers) hits you head-on. In the unfortunate incident incident that the driver survives, start shouting about how it was the driver’s fault and allow the surrounding people to beat him into a pulp and break his bike. Also ask for compensation.
  9. If you see a poor canine somewhere on the road, try to run over him to liberate him from his painful suffering life.
  10. If you are driving along a road and suddenly see something of interest, brake immediately in the middle of the road. If someone bangs into you from behind, lay all the blame on him.
  11. If you feel the need to park somewhere, disregard the parking places and park in the middle of the road in a way which would cause the maximum traffic disruption.
  12. If you are a pedestrian, throw stones and pebbles at the people driving by.
  13. If some blows his horns at you from behind indicating that he wants to overtake you, move a little to the left to let him come to par with you and then suddenly start moving right slamming into him, testing his reflexes.
  14. If you are on your vehicle, stationary at the side of the road and want to start moving, throw your vehicle in high gear and drive perpendicular to the road swerving widely so as to go as far as the other side of the road before coming back into your own lane.
  15. If you are on a cycle, instead of driving straight, drive in a manner so as to make a figure S on the road touching all the lanes.
  16. If more than one bikes are driving along, drive in echelon formation taking up the whole width of the road and refuse to let people overtake you.
  17. If you want to prove that you are a true Nagpurian, as soon as you pass by some happening place, throw your bike in high gear, roaring past all others, swerving your bike left and right and then brake suddenly burning rubber on the road.