The amazing traffic of Nagpur..

I heard that there was some information about the traffic sense of the people of Nagpur circulating around the people of Chandigarh and I thought it necessary to dispel the rumours. I am from Chandigarh and have never seen better roads or driving sense anywhere else in India. Anyways, getting back to the people of Nagpur, I would certainly say that they have great driving sense. But it is a little bit different than the rest of the country. I have tabulated the traffic rules modified especially for the high I.Q. people of Nagpur in the following points:-

  1. Remove any silencers/mufflers from your bikes/cars.
  2. If you are driving slow, drive on the rightmost lane so that people can overtake you from the left.
  3. If you are driving on the wrong side of the road, instead of driving by the side, drive straight through the middle. If it is dark, make sure you do not switch on your headlight.
  4. If you want to turn left, turn the right blinkers ON, start turning right and at the last moment change your mind and turn left thus fooling the ones behind you.
  5. To save your brake shoes from wear, don’t brake at all at a trafic signal. Use the cushioning effect of the vehicle already standing at the signal to stop you. If you are on the vehicle which has been bumped into, utter a few obsenities in Marathi and then ignore the incident as a daily occurence.
  6. While crossing the road, stand by the side of the road till you see some traffic. Wait till the vehicle is a few meters from you and then start crossing the road at a run.
  7. If you are female, disregard everything around you and start crossing the road without straying your eyes from your destination on the opposite side of the road. If you are attentive enough to hear the screeching of vehicles coming to a stop because of you, give them a look as if they deserve death.
  8. If you have already crossed the road, turn back at the last moment so that at least one of the vehicles(only 2-wheelers) hits you head-on. In the unfortunate incident incident that the driver survives, start shouting about how it was the driver’s fault and allow the surrounding people to beat him into a pulp and break his bike. Also ask for compensation.
  9. If you see a poor canine somewhere on the road, try to run over him to liberate him from his painful suffering life.
  10. If you are driving along a road and suddenly see something of interest, brake immediately in the middle of the road. If someone bangs into you from behind, lay all the blame on him.
  11. If you feel the need to park somewhere, disregard the parking places and park in the middle of the road in a way which would cause the maximum traffic disruption.
  12. If you are a pedestrian, throw stones and pebbles at the people driving by.
  13. If some blows his horns at you from behind indicating that he wants to overtake you, move a little to the left to let him come to par with you and then suddenly start moving right slamming into him, testing his reflexes.
  14. If you are on your vehicle, stationary at the side of the road and want to start moving, throw your vehicle in high gear and drive perpendicular to the road swerving widely so as to go as far as the other side of the road before coming back into your own lane.
  15. If you are on a cycle, instead of driving straight, drive in a manner so as to make a figure S on the road touching all the lanes.
  16. If more than one bikes are driving along, drive in echelon formation taking up the whole width of the road and refuse to let people overtake you.
  17. If you want to prove that you are a true Nagpurian, as soon as you pass by some happening place, throw your bike in high gear, roaring past all others, swerving your bike left and right and then brake suddenly burning rubber on the road.

11 thoughts on “The amazing traffic of Nagpur..”

  1. Some tarts from Kamptee had boasted about the first-rate traffic of Nagpur.I appreciate your observations about the “high-standard traffic” of the self-proclaimed “most advanced people in the world” who curse traffic rules when they have to wear a seat belt in some other city.

  2. and anyways, kamptee is a sort of hick town(village) 20 kms from nagpur. Compared to that place, the roads of nagpur may seem like heaven to them.

  3. So this is Kamptee. Bitches!!!Anyway, I saw a few deleted scenes from Back To The Future. -Marty and Doc go to his mother’s college in 1955 where she cheating in her exam.-Marty is bewildered upon arriving in 1955 and asks a lady to pinch him and she in return slaps him. -He goes to the young Doc of 1955 and the Doc sees his suitcase from 1985 containing his personal belongings like hairdryer, playboy etc.There are several other scenes. I haven’t seen them yet.

  4. I bought the Back To The Future trilogy pack from HMV DVD store in England for £20. It features all the deleted scenes from the trilogy. Check out the bonus section of your DVD. It may be there.

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