Tag Archives: New Delhi

How to become an Upper-Class Delhiite

I have a habit of bitching about the places in live in, or visit. Here’s another one
After staying in the NCR region for a long time and especially after going to various night clubs tonight, I have compiled here, a list of qualities you must possess to be a true Delhi-ite
1. Always talk in fake accented english, so as to make people think that you’re from outside(some other country), even though you spent most of your life talking in hindi. Talking in hindi now is for foolish, un-sophisticated people.
2. Always dress up in expensive branded clothes with the labels strategically placed so that everyone can see.
3. Always wear cool shades, even if it is pitch dark and you can’t see anything. Fashion comes before the ability to see.
4. Always carry your car keys in your hand with the brand name visible. Talk about how you used your sources to skip the waiting list on the car and how you’re already bored and are thinking of selling it off and buying a new one.
5. Set the ring tone of your mobile to the loudest setting possible and use the latest hip-hop song as the ring tone. Take your time answering the call.
6. When talking to people in public, always slip in words like “canada” or “UK”
7. Always let people know how rich your dad is and how many political contacts you have.
8. Remove all the speakers in your car except the woofer, so that when you pull up on a traffic signal only the beats of the hip hop song are audible to people around you.
9. Cover all the windows with illegal black film.
10. Alloy wheels are a must. It’s a shame to drive a car without alloys.
11. On turns always remember to use the hand brake so as to make a screeching sound with the wheels.
12. Start driving cars at the age of 12, this will help you hook up with the girls in your school.
13. Claim to like rock music, even though you have no idea what rock music is.
14. Go to discos with your girlfriend, pick up a fight with someone who tried to hit on your girlfriend and call all your important contacts to get the other guy/group of guys beaten up.
15. If you’re a girl, wear skimpy clothes and when you go to parties, hug and air kiss all the guys that you meet and know but never talk to otherwise. Change back into traditional clothes before entering home.
16. If you’re a guy, brag about how many girls you have bedded and how things didn’t work out
17. If you’re a girl, brag about how casual sex is for you and not a big deal at all.
18. When paying the bill at a restaurant, open your wallet as much as possible so as to show the Wad of banknotes inside.
19. Buy a BMW/AUDI, get drunk and run over pedestrians/ beggars at night. When arrested, have your rich dad bail you out and resume your spoilt lifestyle.

Fog, what amazing fog!

I remember ranting about fog last year, around the same time of the year. Well, this year, the weather was clear till yesterday. Tonight however, was a different situation altogether. When I left office at 4 in the morning, it was one of the worst fogs I had ever seen. I could hardly see anything and couldn’t cross a speed of 20kmph. My only guides were the white markings in the middle of the road which I tried to focus on as I drove my car. Had to use a low beam as with a high beam the headlights reflected straight off the fog and blinded me.

Anyways it took me almost half an hour to get home, which is hardly 4km away. When I did reach and parked my car, it was an eerie sight. There were no street lights, and there was a power cut so there were no lights from nearby houses, but it was surprisingly brighter than usual. It was a full moon and that had a very strange and eerie effect. Everything around me was brightly bathed in moonlight, but even then there seemed to be no single source of the light and i could not even see the moon. The light seemed to be diffused through the fog and emanating from the fog itself. I spent atleast 5 minutes on the streets, mesmerised by the sight before the cold started to get to me and I went home. This reminded me of a scene from the story of the hound of baskervilles, where Sherlock Holmes and Watson lie waiting for the hound in the moorlands of dartmoor. As they say, really eerie.