Obsession & Burnout are back to haunt me. I have blogged about it before, but this time, things are a bit worse.
So, the background is, that after months of doing very light-level work, I have been handed a challenging project. Not an impossible project, not an easy one, moderately challenging. Others would be excited for this opportunity (actually were). However, I have already started obsessing about it all the time. My free time everyday, weekends and sleep time has been taken over by obsessively thinking about this project.
Some of this thinking is productive; that is I do accomplish some positive outcome, but most of it is irrational fear. Haven’t slept much last few nights.
I believe the reasons for this are
- Lack of useful distractions away from work because of the lockdown (more apparent during the weekend). Examples of this includes going out to spend time with family, friends & family friends. I have not much to look forward to, all week.
- Lack of physical boundaries between work and leisure. Earlier, work happened in the office (mostly) and leisure happened elsewhere. Now there’s only one place for both (home), so it has become difficult to switch off from work mode when the day or week is over.
- My usual hang ups about obsession, that were always a part of me.
- Uncertainty about future events, some of which are beyond my control.
- Fear of failure, which is more or less irrational.
- Hectic schedule with both parents working and trying to handle a kid.
- Guilt of not spending enough time with family, forcing that to happen and being absent emotionally even then and not doing work either.
- Thinking about all the above amplifies the condition.
I plan to follow the steps below to deal with this situation
- Practice mindfulness everyday, and make it a part of daily life and log mood daily.
- Use organisation hacks like making lists for everything, tracking all To Dos etc.
- Writing down things that cross my mind at the end of the work day and when not working and can be done later.
- Establish chronological boundaries when it comes to work.
- Establish physical boundaries within the house when it comes to work (This might prove a bit difficult)
- Finding an engaging hobby (TV generally doesn’t help) to take my mind off such thoughts during leisure time.
- Wait for this to blow over, as such phases don’t last more than a few weeks.
For now, I just want one night of good sleep, to recharge my health and sanity, for which I will use a friend’s help.