Category Archives: Rant

Rant

The Beckhams live in a different, parallel universe

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Today while channel surfing, I came across this new show about Beckham going on a trip to Brazil and roughing it on a bike -“Into the unknown with David Beckham”. The show starts with a 15 minute discussions between David and Victoria Beckham about what David will do with his hair in the humidity of Brazil. Many ideas are thrown. Eventually they settle on David wearing a cap throughout his trip.
I have never been to Brazil, but I have experienced humidity, so I do not understand, what happens when humidity meets hair? Does your hair melt? Does it catch fire? Then Victoria casually comments that she can’t even go to humid countries? What? Regular people can’t go to countries because they can’t afford it, or can’t get a Visa. I know the Beckhams are far from regular people, but the Gates spend half their time in Africa without worrying about their hair.
Finally after making sure the hair Is OK, David heads to Brazil and checks in to a Luxury hotel. He remarks many times that he hopes people don’t recognize him, in a football loving nation like Brazil.
He rides his bike all the way to another part of the city and then plays beach volleyball with some locals and Is really surprised when they recognize him. Yes, Brazilian football fans recognising David Beckham is a surprise.
He then boards a plane to go to the rainforests. He gets on his bike again and rides it from his hotel to the edge of the city. Rea’ rough. There he finally meets people who don’t seem to recognize him, which is his dream, right? David looks suspiciously sad and insulted considering his dream came true, but then he and his entourage promptly starts asking these people if they recognize him.
He then sleeps in a hammock inside his hotel and plays flappy bird on his iPad.
I have never seen celebrities so full of themselves or so far removed from reality.

Hate, Rant

Spawn from Hell & Haraamzada

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So I was at the mall, sitting on a bench when I come across these two. The kid is almost 2 years old and still sucking on a soother. One look at his face and you are sure he is a Spawn from Hell.
While the Spawn from hell is hanging out with his man-servant, pulling his hair and being a dick in general, his father comes over and screams at the servant “Yaha kya marwa raha hai haraamzade?” (What are you doing here, bastard?) in front of his son.
Haraamzada and Spawn from Hell must both be partially deaf, because the father is shouting at the top of his voice.

Spawn from hell must want something from one of the stores, that his father is in no mood to spend money on, because he immediately lies down face downwards and starts beating his fists on the floor. The father gently kicks him over so that he is face up and cannot beat his fists anymore.
While the parents walk away, the haraamzada servant bends down to pick up the spawn. The spawn shouts “haraamzade” one last time before giving up and resigning to his toy-less fate.

Hate, Rant

Pathetic Freeloaders

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What won’t people do for free stuff? Fisher and Paykel had an exhibition at Ambience Mall, Gurgaon where they had a chef make food using their products. People who sat for the demonstration would get this food for free.

Losers
More Losers

We saw this scene when we reached the mall and after more than an hour later, while walking by, we saw the same group of people sitting there, licking free ice cream. Surprisingly, it was not people from the lower class who were wasting their time for free ice cream, bit rather well to do people. Pathetic. Bonus: Another (or the same) set of losers getting photos clicked in front of Valentine’s day decorations

Rant

Types of People

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There are people who spend their whole lives doing what they want to do.
Then there are people who spend their whole lives doing what others want them to do.
There’s a third kind, people who spend their whole lives doing what others don’t want them to do.

These are the ones who are the happiest or the saddest.

Hate, Rant

Don’t touch Priyanka Chopra’s Sphincter

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A few years ago, some fans/lovers of Priyanka Chopra told her that she could sing. She immediately took this to heart and teamed up with famous Pop/Rap musicians and released pathetic “singles”, which no one remembers.
Recently some high up executive from the Schmitten chocolate company had the privilege of sleeping with our dear Piggy Chops and had to green light a Television commercial for their erstwhile reputed chocolate company, sung and danced to, by Priyanka Chopra.
Priyanka Chopra being pathetic Priyanka Chopra could only fake her accent so much, as the result of which, the TVC closes with her loudly exclaiming “Don’t you touch my Sphincter!!!”

Hate, Music, Rant

What in Satan’s name is this?

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Well, I was hanging around at a club yesterday, for an office party. Office parties being office parties, I found myself distracted and veered off to the side. Soon, I found my eyes wandering towards the TV. Incidentally, it had MTV on it. I was greeted with this scene

WTF

That is Katy Perry (I think?) with fireworks bursting out of her Bosom. There was no audio (thankfully), so I couldn’t understand what caused her to contract such an ailment, but that seems to be the gist of the song. Please also note that that’s the only place the fireworks seem to be coming from.
I have avoided watching such channels for years, exactly because of such “artists”. Earlier, albums used to sell well because they had good music. These days, it’s all because of such gimmicky videos, synthesized music, skin show and something called “Twerking”.
I feel old.

Rant, Satire

Tiger fed contaminated meat at Delhi Zoo

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White Tiger, Delhi Zoo
A case of Animal cruelty at the New Delhi Zoo surfaced today, when a 20 year old man jumped into the Tiger enclosure and fed himself to the animal.
When the animal refused to eat the disgusting human meat, onlookers pelted the Tiger with stones, until he gave up, ate the human and then threw up immediately.
It is not clear at this point of time how much digestive distress was caused to the otherwise calm/tame animal.
We demand an immediate probe by Maneka Gandhi.

Rant, Technology

Fuck you Google, and Goodbye

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Yes, Google is evil
Yes, Google is evil

I was introduced to Google back in school, when it was just a search engine. Now it has its fingers and feet in almost every product/service category and is undoubtedly the market leader in most of them.
After Google search, I started using Gmail, then Google Chrome. It was only by chance that I didn’t buy an Android handset (almost bought the T-Mobile G1 once) and I am glad I didn’t. Google is evil. Google is at the moment, what Microsoft was in the 90s. Ruthless and evil.
Google has the right to read through your e-mail, use that information however it pleases and targets ads depending on the text in your e-mail. Also Google has deliberately not supported Windows Phone for years.
Yes, Google is evil
So a few months ago, I decided to say “fuck you” to Google and start moving away from all Google products. OneDrive replaced Google drive. Outlook.com replaced Gmail (it was a pain changing my e-mail address everywhere) and today, as the final step, I migrated my blog from Blogger to WordPress and deleted everything on Blogger.
Bye Bye Google, I am never coming back.

Health & Fitness, Rant

Bad phase

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I am going through a bad phase in life. It is as if my body is failing me.

I have gastro-intestinal problems since the last 2 years. I have undergone a battery of tests but have failed to get perfectly well. It is not a constant problem but comes and goes. I suspect that I am Lactose intolerant, so have decided to go on a completely Lactose free diet for the next 2 weeks. If that cures me, well and good. I have no issues giving up milk for the rest of my life. Lactase-enzyme supplements are easily available which when taken with Lactose-containing products prevents symptoms from appearing.

However, the internet is a scary place. When I search for my symptoms, I get a barrage of deadly and dangerous diseases starting with IBS and ending with intestinal cancer. Scariest is the possibility of Coeliac Disease. It has symptoms of Lactase intolerance as well as Gluten-intolerance. If that is the case, I will need to have a Gluten-free diet for the rest of my life, which will mean giving up on Wheat and almost every type of grain. With food being on of the biggest motivations in life, can I completely give up grains of all kind? I am not sure if such a life would be worth living.

I have decided to try a Lactose free diet for a week, failing which I will go see a doctor (again) and go through so many tests (again).

Meanwhile, my motivational factor is at an all time low and I feel depressed and discouraged to do anything productive, especially before the festive season is about to start.