A few years ago, some fans/lovers of Priyanka Chopra told her that she could sing. She immediately took this to heart and teamed up with famous Pop/Rap musicians and released pathetic “singles”, which no one remembers.
Recently some high up executive from the Schmitten chocolate company had the privilege of sleeping with our dear Piggy Chops and had to green light a Television commercial for their erstwhile reputed chocolate company, sung and danced to, by Priyanka Chopra.
Priyanka Chopra being pathetic Priyanka Chopra could only fake her accent so much, as the result of which, the TVC closes with her loudly exclaiming “Don’t you touch my Sphincter!!!”
Category Archives: Rant
What in Satan’s name is this?
Well, I was hanging around at a club yesterday, for an office party. Office parties being office parties, I found myself distracted and veered off to the side. Soon, I found my eyes wandering towards the TV. Incidentally, it had MTV on it. I was greeted with this scene
That is Katy Perry (I think?) with fireworks bursting out of her Bosom. There was no audio (thankfully), so I couldn’t understand what caused her to contract such an ailment, but that seems to be the gist of the song. Please also note that that’s the only place the fireworks seem to be coming from.
I have avoided watching such channels for years, exactly because of such “artists”. Earlier, albums used to sell well because they had good music. These days, it’s all because of such gimmicky videos, synthesized music, skin show and something called “Twerking”.
I feel old.
Tiger fed contaminated meat at Delhi Zoo
A case of Animal cruelty at the New Delhi Zoo surfaced today, when a 20 year old man jumped into the Tiger enclosure and fed himself to the animal.
When the animal refused to eat the disgusting human meat, onlookers pelted the Tiger with stones, until he gave up, ate the human and then threw up immediately.
It is not clear at this point of time how much digestive distress was caused to the otherwise calm/tame animal.
We demand an immediate probe by Maneka Gandhi.
Fuck you Google, and Goodbye
I was introduced to Google back in school, when it was just a search engine. Now it has its fingers and feet in almost every product/service category and is undoubtedly the market leader in most of them.
After Google search, I started using Gmail, then Google Chrome. It was only by chance that I didn’t buy an Android handset (almost bought the T-Mobile G1 once) and I am glad I didn’t. Google is evil. Google is at the moment, what Microsoft was in the 90s. Ruthless and evil.
Google has the right to read through your e-mail, use that information however it pleases and targets ads depending on the text in your e-mail. Also Google has deliberately not supported Windows Phone for years.
Yes, Google is evil
So a few months ago, I decided to say “fuck you” to Google and start moving away from all Google products. OneDrive replaced Google drive. Outlook.com replaced Gmail (it was a pain changing my e-mail address everywhere) and today, as the final step, I migrated my blog from Blogger to WordPress and deleted everything on Blogger.
Bye Bye Google, I am never coming back.
Bad phase
I am going through a bad phase in life. It is as if my body is failing me.
I have gastro-intestinal problems since the last 2 years. I have undergone a battery of tests but have failed to get perfectly well. It is not a constant problem but comes and goes. I suspect that I am Lactose intolerant, so have decided to go on a completely Lactose free diet for the next 2 weeks. If that cures me, well and good. I have no issues giving up milk for the rest of my life. Lactase-enzyme supplements are easily available which when taken with Lactose-containing products prevents symptoms from appearing.
However, the internet is a scary place. When I search for my symptoms, I get a barrage of deadly and dangerous diseases starting with IBS and ending with intestinal cancer. Scariest is the possibility of Coeliac Disease. It has symptoms of Lactase intolerance as well as Gluten-intolerance. If that is the case, I will need to have a Gluten-free diet for the rest of my life, which will mean giving up on Wheat and almost every type of grain. With food being on of the biggest motivations in life, can I completely give up grains of all kind? I am not sure if such a life would be worth living.
I have decided to try a Lactose free diet for a week, failing which I will go see a doctor (again) and go through so many tests (again).
Meanwhile, my motivational factor is at an all time low and I feel depressed and discouraged to do anything productive, especially before the festive season is about to start.
The Pathetic State of Education in India
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| Courtesy: http://asiancorrespondent.com |
Growing up, I have witnessed a few things which have made me question the quality of education in this country; especially Primary and Secondary education.
In short, schools in India generally suck. They are more profit-making machines rather than a place to impart quality education to students. Moreover, the quality of teachers, especially in the Primary and Secondary education scene is very low.
I have studied in almost 9 schools from Class I to Class XII. I can say without doubt that most teachers did not teach for the joy of teaching, but rather to earn money. There’s no harm in that, apart from the fact that they are still expected to be good at their jobs; which mostly they are not.
One subject which I have seen teachers mostly suck at, is English. Apart from 2 teachers in my entire school life, none of the English teachers I have come across were good at their jobs. I have found myself arguing with my English teachers many times when I have felt that what they were saying is wrong. After a while, I realized that arguing is no use, as the teachers here, far from being open minded and appreciating feedback actually had huge egoes, which I hurt when I corrected them.
Unlike subjects like Science and Maths, if you learn languages incorrectly at a young age, you are unlikely to improve later on; you’ll be stuck with it for life. If there’s one teacher who doesn’t know proper English teaching a class of 50, he/she will produce 50 people who don’t know proper English later on in life.
This problem is not isolated to English/Hindi and other language subjects. Most teachers don’t know what they are doing and write things on the blackboard directly from the textbook or old notes and expect their students not to question what they are writing.
Also, I have recently seen students being told to take off their shoes outside the computer room, as their shoes might have “viruses” which would infect the computers. Also, a textbook as recent as 2010 still listed Pluto as a planet.
Why is the state of Education here so bad, when considering that the schooling here is much more expensive than the developed countries? The answer is “Jugaad”.
Indians have a long standing habit of relying on “Jugaad”, which is simply a way to get something done using means other than those which are proper. Mostly this would involve a monetary transaction, or pulling strings with someone high up in the system.
I have seen people I know graduate from full time B.Ed courses without attending a single class. These same people get jobs at nice schools using the same “Jugaad” technique; when it is clear that no self-respecting interviewer would have even interviewed them for more than 5 minutes. Also, these people don’t know basic English.
All this is very frustrating and makes me very angry; especially because I don’t know what I can do about it.
The Pros and Cons of living in Gurgaon
I have been living in Gurgaon for almost 4 years now and I am yet to get used to this city. Without wasting any further time, here’re the Pros and Cons of living here
Pros:-
1. The city is great to look at. When you cross the toll plaza from Delhi, you’re immediately confronted by the huge Ambience Mall on the left, following which there are huge office buildings and complexes on both sides of the road. It is evident that the builders have gone out of their way to impress visitors.
Pros:-
1. The city is great to look at. When you cross the toll plaza from Delhi, you’re immediately confronted by the huge Ambience Mall on the left, following which there are huge office buildings and complexes on both sides of the road. It is evident that the builders have gone out of their way to impress visitors.
2. The availability of goods and services is good. Whether it be grocery, movies, electronics, computers, there are plenty of malls/markets to choose from. Most of them are open 7 days a week and you probably won’t have to go far looking for something wherever you stay.
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| Image Courtesy: wikitravel.org |
3. The city is well connected to Delhi through Delhi Metro and through the upcoming Airport Express line. The railway station is an hour away on the metro. Connaught place is 50 mins away. South Delhi is half an hour away.
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| Image Courtesy: hindu.com |
4. The airport is very close by. 15-40 mins depending on where you stay
5. Good career prospects. If you’re looking for a new job and have a particular company in mind, chances are, they have their offices in Gurgaon.
6. Excellent microbreweries. At last count, there were 6 microbreweries in Gurgaon, making their own beer and all of them are very good.
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| Beer Island |
7. Heaven for drunkards. There are wine shops every 500 metres in this city and most of them are illegally open through the night. Most of them also have an adjoining eating joint.
Cons:-
1. Roads are pathetic. The only nice road to drive on is NH8; however, you do have to get off the highway to get somewhere and that is when you realize that the highway is just a facade, the rest of the city roads are pathetic.
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| Image Courtesy: 4.bp.blogspot.com |
2. The city has witnessed unchecked growth, resulting which, there’s not enough electricity and water to feed all the malls, offices and residential complexes. Daily 4-5 hour power cuts are normal both in the summers and in the winters.
3. The roads/traffic conditions are not biker friendly. The only good road (NH8) does not allow motorcycles to ply on it. This creates a nightmare scenario for bikers, especially during peak traffic hours.
4. There are not many good scenic places/picnic spots to visit nearby compared to the other cities I have lived in.
5. Property rates/rents are through the roof. You have to be very rich to live in a nice locality. Still, you won’t get water or electricity
6. Most people are uncultured/uneducated. People drunk on the street, fighting, abusing is a common sight at night. Road rage is rampant and crime is common
All in all, I would prefer staying in Gurgaon than many places in India, but some major improvements are long overdue.
What the latest Mountain Dew commercial says about the product
I’ve written about Television ads before here, here and here, but this one deserves an entry of its own.
People who watch TV would know that Mountain Dew commercials have always been over the top. The main selling point seems to be the fact that people who drink Mountain Dew don’t feel any kind of fear.
Life on this planet is now millions of years old. The crocodiles alone have been on this planet for 55 million years now. Earth was (and is still not) a very easy place to survive in. Any animal can easily be killed by predators/diseases/natural calamities unless he is careful.
How did species survive so long when there were so many factors that would have caused their destruction long ago?
Why does a normal person not not enter a dark alley in shady neighbourhood late at night? Why does a normal person feel its against his instincts to jump off from an Airplane? Why does a normal person instinctively duck when he sees another person wielding a gun at him? Why does a normal person instinctively step back when he’s on a high ledge?
The answer is fear. The human instinct of self-preservation, fueled by fear.
Now look at this commercial and see what happens.
A guy (lets call him Dewd) is standing on the edge of a high dam (apparently 300 feet high), looking down, drinking Mountain Dew. A geeky looking guy, fearful of what his friend is about to do, says that he is done for.
The Dewd casually sipping on the Dew, does not understand what the big deal is and says that he sees the bottom only 3 foot (not feet, foot) away.
Now, this should immediately ring alarm bells everywhere. The beverage obviously causes Hallucinations. Also, this does not seem to be a ordinary harmless Hallucination caused by Magic Mushrooms or LSD, but seem to affect the depth perception capability of the user, leaving all other senses intact.
Also, the beverage kills off all traces primal survival instinct of the user and eliminates fear. This, apart from the fact that the Dewd is illiterate and doesn’t understand the difference between foot/feet.
The Dewd casually says “Shoot the fear with Dew” and jumps off the ledge on his skateboard. You might have already got the hint that he intends to skate down the Dam, but now its confirmed.
Also, you see a lot of crew around him (including a helicopter hovering over the Dam), so this seems to be planned in advance; and also, somehow legal.
While the terrified people on the ledge look on, Dewd skates down the almost vertical wall of the dam with a look of menace on his face. We have no idea how the skateboard maintains its traction on the Dam wall despite it being almost vertical.
If this alone was not difficult enough for Dewd, the dam sluices are opened and there’s water rushing after him as well. Whether this was planned or just a coincidence is open to speculation.
Also, somehow it is portrayed that the Dewd is racing in front of the water flow; though how he has any control over his speed is anyone’s guesswork. Just before the water hits him, he separates from the Skateboard and jumps into the water. Somehow, he re-unites with the Skateboard underwater and surfaces in joyous triumph. Next, he predictably runs up the Dam wall (dripping with water and dew) and high fives everyone in sight. Unbelievable? Yes.
So, to summarize it all, the effects of Mountain Dew include
- You forget what fear is
- You get Hallucinations
- The law sympathizes with you skating down/running up dams and maybe other illegal activities
- Your skateboard (or any other daredevil equipment you have) gains impossible traction powers
- You get full underwater maneuverability and vision
- You can scale walls like Spiderman, but with feet
I used to have Dew a few years ago and felt no effects whatsoever, apart from a strong sugar buzz (damn the drink is so sweet!!)
On the positive note, I hope the people who are foolish enough to believe these commercials think that they’ll get such powers for real, engage in such stunts and remove themselves permanently from the human gene pool.
Holi log
Thursday, 08 March
14:30: Buy copious amounts of Bhang
14:45: Consume copious amounts of Bhang
15:30: Start feeling sleepy
15:30 – 19:30): Resist sleep
19:31: Consume copious amounts of KFC and a virgin Mojito
20:00: Start losing short term memory. Everything is in episodes
20:15 onwards:
Start feeling giddy and start losing sense of Balance. House feels dark and depressing, even though there are many lights on. Unable to control my smile. Feel hungry again. It feels like there are ice cubes in my stomach. I must have something to eat and then go to sleep. I just had a phone conversation but cannot remember with whom. The computer monitor seems a long way away from me; a few hundred metres at least. But how am I then typing on it?
20:21: Filled my bag of Sun-dried tomatoes with Olive Oil
20:40: Am having sad thoughts. Maybe some ancient bad dreams. Of a place that is remote, full of water. Maybe rain water and a sharp metallic smell. Start listening to “Shine on you crazy diamond” to lighten the mood. The opening notes seem to be going on for quite some time. A long time. Stuck maybe?
20:45: Sudden craving to watch Michael Palin’s New Europe; although I cannot find the DVD.
20:47: Have that school-time Sunday evening depression; even though I am not in school and its not SUnday evening
21:31: Had a lot of dinner. Maybe worth 2 people. Kept having sad thoughts. Wondering of some time when I sat in front of TV all night long till it was morning.
21:34 Some hallucinations
21:40: Started watching Michael Palin’s new Europe. Stopped watching in 10 minutes and deleted
21:52: Started listening to Shine on you Crazy Diamond again. Music seems oddly low on Tempo.
22:01: Go to sleep
Friday, 09 March
12:00 Noon: Woke up after being asleep for 14 hours
Overall, this was nothing compared to this
14:30: Buy copious amounts of Bhang
14:45: Consume copious amounts of Bhang
15:30: Start feeling sleepy
15:30 – 19:30): Resist sleep
19:31: Consume copious amounts of KFC and a virgin Mojito
20:00: Start losing short term memory. Everything is in episodes
20:15 onwards:
Start feeling giddy and start losing sense of Balance. House feels dark and depressing, even though there are many lights on. Unable to control my smile. Feel hungry again. It feels like there are ice cubes in my stomach. I must have something to eat and then go to sleep. I just had a phone conversation but cannot remember with whom. The computer monitor seems a long way away from me; a few hundred metres at least. But how am I then typing on it?
20:21: Filled my bag of Sun-dried tomatoes with Olive Oil
20:40: Am having sad thoughts. Maybe some ancient bad dreams. Of a place that is remote, full of water. Maybe rain water and a sharp metallic smell. Start listening to “Shine on you crazy diamond” to lighten the mood. The opening notes seem to be going on for quite some time. A long time. Stuck maybe?
20:45: Sudden craving to watch Michael Palin’s New Europe; although I cannot find the DVD.
20:47: Have that school-time Sunday evening depression; even though I am not in school and its not SUnday evening
21:31: Had a lot of dinner. Maybe worth 2 people. Kept having sad thoughts. Wondering of some time when I sat in front of TV all night long till it was morning.
21:34 Some hallucinations
21:40: Started watching Michael Palin’s new Europe. Stopped watching in 10 minutes and deleted
21:52: Started listening to Shine on you Crazy Diamond again. Music seems oddly low on Tempo.
22:01: Go to sleep
Friday, 09 March
12:00 Noon: Woke up after being asleep for 14 hours
Overall, this was nothing compared to this
Features I want to be implemented in the Nokia Lumia series
I have been a smartphone user for almost as long as I have used a cellphone. As a user, I have evolved over these years. Most of my smartphone experience has been with Symbian (95%) and Windows Mobile (5%).
Planning to move to a Nokia Windows Phone in the future, these are certain features I am used to, which I find sadly missing on Nokia WIndows Phones
Notification LED: Its an LED on the front panel of the phone which blinks periodically whenever there’s a new Missed call or SMS.
For me, this is highly useful because most modern smartphones don’t show anything on their screens when in standby mode and you have to press a button and go to the lock screen to see whether there are any messages or missed calls.
Windows Phone supports this for Missed calls and voicemails only, not for SMS.
Nokia Windows Phones don’t have a Notification LED at all.
Profiles: I prefer to use different profiles when I am at home (Loud Ringer, no vibration, email alerts), when my phone is in my pocket (No Ringer, vibrations, no email alerts), when I am sleeping (No vibrations, low volume ascending ringer , no email alerts, calls only from family members) and Silent (No notifications at all).
This is something I have gotten used to such an extent that I felt terrible when I had to use an iphone for a week.
Windows Phone does not have this functionality natively at all.
Without these 2 features, there is no way I can buy a Nokia Windows Phone.