One day I got an sms asking me to arrange the following in order of their importance in my life.
God, Friends, Parents, Love, Money, Sex. So here you are:-
God ain’t on my list because I refuse to add somethin on the list which doesn’t exist. I would be obliged if you would arrange them according to your choice in the comments section..
This is my hate list. These are the people I would wish to rot in hell for eternity.
- Ekta Kapoor:-You are a rich business tycoon. You are also responsible for poisoning the minds of lacs of Indians with your meaningless and depressing tv serials. Your serials contain nothing but shit. Women and men plotting against each other and killing each other. Notable features of your serials are people returning from the dead, getting plastic surgery and changing their faces completely, couples re-discovering lost children after 20 years, villians turning into good people after their mothers reformed them. Sometimes the mother is not high on patience just kills her own son in matrix style, slow motion and thus making a huge sacrifice for the society. You believe that starting your serial’s names with K will make them a huge hit. You even introduce multiple ‘k’s in the names. If I ever get my hands on you, I will strangle you to death but not before I torture you for days on end by showing you your own serials.
- Smriti Irani:-You play the self-sacrificing daughter-in-law on many serials on TV. You look really bad and you make matters worse by dousing your face in false tears most of the time. In real life, you were homeless and when your best friend gave you a place to stay under her own roof, you eloped with her husband. You killed your own son on TV. You shot him matrix style and when he didn’t die, you strangled him in the hospital bed. But you as usual, come out to be the great sacrificer. You support frauds like Ram Dev Baba. I hate you as much as I hate Ekta Kapoor.
- Courtney Love:-You killed Kurt Cobain and got away with it!! You deprived the world of his great music. Thanks to you, I will never see him perform live. You have appropriately named your band HOLE. You can’t even take care of your daughter Frances Bean Cobain because most of the time you are in prison or a rehabilitation centre. You even bared your non-existant assets playing live on stage. I will hate you till eternity.
- Jay Z:-I really used to like Linkin Park till you came and poisoned their music with your f*****g hip-hop. I had to tear away the LP posters and throw the cds out of the window. Your head is shaped like a potato, your torso is shaped like a potato and your whole body is also shaped like a potato. You are also going out with beyonce(I hate her too).
- Anu(s) Malik:-You are the biggest Plagiarist in the history of India. You shamelessly plagiarise songs from other artists. Americans, British, Indian songs all have been victim of your Plagiarism. How can you copy a song word by word/music beat by beat and claim it was just a co-incidence? And your excuse of getting inspired from someone’s music also doesn’t work. I am inspired by Nirvana but I can’t play Smells Like Teen Spirit with my friends, record it and start selling. It’s an insult both to the intelligence of people and the artist. You are a big snob even on Indian Idol. You make fun of people openly. You even introduced yourself to Pierce Brosnan as the biggest music director of India.
- Clubber Lang:-You are a fictitious character, but I still hate you. You killed Mickey Goldmill in Rocky 3. I will never forgive you for this.
- Donald Trump:-You look like a dork. Just because you are rich, doesn’t mean you are attractive. All those beautiful women you go around with are just with you because of your money. Your hairstyle??? I hate comb-overs and hate you. I will prefer to starve than work with you.
- Queen Latifah:-Just your name cracks me up. Queen??? Of what? The gutters? You look like a hippo. You even have the nerve to dance in front of millions. I am also jealous of your biceps. I wish I had such huge biceps and broad shoulders. You are so manly!!!
- Britney Spears:-I hate your songs and I hate you. I also hate Christina Aguilera but since I cannot find any difference between the lot of you, I have only allotted one entry. You look and dress like whores and expect people to watch your songs to see you dancing around half-naked(which they do). Your music sucks. You can’t even call it music. The hyenas of the neighbourhood are much more musical than all of you put together. You tried to imitate Ross and Rachel in FRIENDS and got married drunk and got it annulled a few days later.
- 50 Cent:-Or half dollar as grooveguru calls you, you are self proclaimed pimp. You used to peddle drugs and got shot in the face. Suddenly you realised how the quality of music has come down in the recent years and thought you had a good chance at getting rich legally. You recorded songs, danced around the screen with naked girls, calling them hoes and yourself a pimp and much more obscenities much to the delight of the listeners who squeal with pleasure as they hear your songs on screen.
- When I was very small, I wanted to be a doctor so that I could heal people.
- In school, between the age of 10 and 12, I wanted to be a cricketer. My idol was Sunil Gavaskar.
- Between the ages of 13 and 15, I wanted to be a commercial pilot.
- Between the ages of 16 and 17, I wanted to be an astronaut.
- In high school, since I was fascinated by physics, I wanted to be a scientist. My idol was Einstein.
- In college, I was heavily influenced by Rocky and I wanted to be a boxer. I started jogging, working out heavily and without a change in diet, quickly lost 10 kgs making me look like a stick.
- For the last 2 years, I want to be a guitarist for a rock band. My Idol? None other than Kurt Cobain.
Now, slowly as reality sinks in, all those dreams are lost. In this world, just to survive, you have to get a good degree and beg for a job. To be any of the above, you need exceptional skills/the will to study very hard and I have neither of them. It’s better I stick to what I can really do and am good at(Computers).
- The piston of my bike siezed owing to the a jammed oil filter and I had to get a new one.
- I had a terrible accident on my friend’s bike and nearly got my head smashed. I still have the scars from that accident.
- One of my friends killed himself by hanging and I saw the dreadful sight. That sight lingered in front of my eyes during my exams. My spirits were in the dumps the whole time.
- Expecting my spirits to lift at new year, I had to see a terrible accident scene in front of PP’s garage pub.
- I travelled back home to Kolkata by sleeper class. Caught fever on the way and shivered the whole way with the chilly wind blowing across me. One of the worst and longest nights ever.
- I had to stay in bed for many days till I recovered from the fever/cold.
- The joystick of my mobile popped off and I couldn’t find a new one.
- The barber cut my hair too short, making me look like a damn cactus.
- I was on my way to Nagpur on 25th when the train tracks were blown up by naxalite rebels and I had to run away and come back home by a series of different local trains full of stinky people.
Hope my luck changes by the time my birthday arrives and I enjoy at the concert.I am now going directly to mumbai on 1st.
I am suffering from a severe case of studies block!!! I cannot study anymore.. Cannot sit at the table for more than 10 minutes without my thoughts being distracted somewhere else. I have got 7 exams in 10 days and I am gonna get screwed real hard…. I am going down big time…
Welcome to my new blog!!! Since the version 2 of my blog was hacked by someone named faisal(I am coming for revenge), I have decided that maintaining my own domain was too much of a hassle. So I decided to join my friend grooveguru on blogspot. Let’s hope my luck with blogspot will be better than in v.1 and v.2!!