I have a habit of bitching about the places in live in, or visit. Here’s another one
After staying in the NCR region for a long time and especially after going to various night clubs tonight, I have compiled here, a list of qualities you must possess to be a true Delhi-ite
1. Always talk in fake accented english, so as to make people think that you’re from outside(some other country), even though you spent most of your life talking in hindi. Talking in hindi now is for foolish, un-sophisticated people.
2. Always dress up in expensive branded clothes with the labels strategically placed so that everyone can see.
3. Always wear cool shades, even if it is pitch dark and you can’t see anything. Fashion comes before the ability to see.
4. Always carry your car keys in your hand with the brand name visible. Talk about how you used your sources to skip the waiting list on the car and how you’re already bored and are thinking of selling it off and buying a new one.
5. Set the ring tone of your mobile to the loudest setting possible and use the latest hip-hop song as the ring tone. Take your time answering the call.
6. When talking to people in public, always slip in words like “canada” or “UK”
7. Always let people know how rich your dad is and how many political contacts you have.
8. Remove all the speakers in your car except the woofer, so that when you pull up on a traffic signal only the beats of the hip hop song are audible to people around you.
9. Cover all the windows with illegal black film.
10. Alloy wheels are a must. It’s a shame to drive a car without alloys.
11. On turns always remember to use the hand brake so as to make a screeching sound with the wheels.
12. Start driving cars at the age of 12, this will help you hook up with the girls in your school.
13. Claim to like rock music, even though you have no idea what rock music is.
14. Go to discos with your girlfriend, pick up a fight with someone who tried to hit on your girlfriend and call all your important contacts to get the other guy/group of guys beaten up.
15. If you’re a girl, wear skimpy clothes and when you go to parties, hug and air kiss all the guys that you meet and know but never talk to otherwise. Change back into traditional clothes before entering home.
16. If you’re a guy, brag about how many girls you have bedded and how things didn’t work out
17. If you’re a girl, brag about how casual sex is for you and not a big deal at all.
18. When paying the bill at a restaurant, open your wallet as much as possible so as to show the Wad of banknotes inside.
19. Buy a BMW/AUDI, get drunk and run over pedestrians/ beggars at night. When arrested, have your rich dad bail you out and resume your spoilt lifestyle.
Category Archives: Rant
Worthless Life
Hello. My life has become worthless lately. Reasons:
1. I don’t go to the gym anymore. My usual excuses are that I go to office in the evenings and wake up in the afternoon so I can only go to gym in the afternoon. The problem is only very expensive gyms are open in the afternoon.
2. I don’t play the guitar anymore. The thing I prided upon doesn’t matter much anymore. It doesn’t matter that I could once play the whole opening leads for the “Hell freezes over” version of Hotel California. My excuse is that the fret board is bent and I can’t find a place to repair here
3. I eat junk food everyday. I eat at nirulas or some other fast food joint everyday. I also have atleast a litre of coke everyday. Weekends are special binge fests with more food and alcohol thrown in.
4. I still spend more than I earn. Though I use buxfer and it has controlled my spendings I still end up spending a lot of money.
I’m still a long way off from financial stability. My only consolation is that I don’t really need financial stability at this point of my life.
5. I don’t ride my bike anymore. In the summers its too hot to ride and in the winters its too cold. When sometimes I do ride my bike it feels so amazing I can’t describe in words. Lights failing, indicators rattling, battery almost dead its in a sorry state. I remember in college I thought I didn’t ever want to buy a car and always ride my bike.
Have I really changed and just trying to believe that I’m still the same and can be the same way still when it’s time to move on?
Boring days
Nothing much has been new with life. Had been sick for a week (Cold, fever etc). Have been really busy with work (work in the office, work from home etc.). Want a nice long holiday away from home and somewhere new.
Have been growing a beard and it’s pretty good now. Plan to grow it some more before I shave.
Got a new phone (Nokia E-52) and will post a review soon.
Pulpy Screwdriver
This Sunday I came back home quite early and was pretty bored. Decided to watch “Ek Chalis Ki Last Local” for the 10th time. Had some spare vodka lying around (Haven’t had a drink for a month), as well as some Pulpy Orange so mixed the two and the results were quite satisfying.
The movie was quite excellent too! I had already seen the movie many times but the movie never bores me. The movie is based on a few hours worth of incidents but the special quality of the movie is the characters. The characters are not only extremely funny, but realistic as well.
Abhay Deol Plays the role of a guy from Delhi (Nilesh) who recently moved to Mumbai and works at a call center. Like all Delhi people, he considers Mumbai an inferior place and boasts about what he could have done if he was in Delhi. Neha Dhupia plays the role of a (super hot :P) whore who seduces men who miss the last train out of Kurla. Other characters include a devout don, a corrupt policeman, one who thinks he’s Rajnikant, a few goons, a Transvestite Pimp, a Poetic Gay Gangster, a whore turned hit-woman etc. Each and every character gives in a commendable performance.
Guys who have always lived through monetary shortages in the last days of the month will identify with Abhay Deol’s behavior in the beginning of the movie. From deciding what to order at a bar with only 70 Rupees in his wallet (I once has 10 rupees in my pocket and no fuel in my bike; deserves a separate post), to winning 40lacs at a card game, to being almost encountered by Policemen to being almost raped by the gay Mangesh Chhilka one has to watch the movie at least once to see what fate has in store for Nilesh.
Hmm. I am sleepy now. Goodnight!!
Why I will continue to download pirated music
A few days back, I felt the sudden urge to download a few Dire Strait songs. I’d been hearing about online music stores a lot and felt that for some good songs, less than 1$ is a price worth paying. Come to think of it. A few years back an album cost much more than it does now if you buy and download online. You don’t have to leave your computer and your song is there in a few minutes, and all legitimate. Unfortunately,
I didn’t have such luck.
I started with the tab in windows media player that I always saw, but never used; the media guide. I remember how it always pestered me to select an online store during install. I looked all over in vain but it would only give me youtube links for songs that I searched. No store, no song. I tried ITunes next. After I completed the registration process, I was informed that you can buy music online only if you are in the US, or hold a US credit card. I tried amazon, napster everywhere, I had no option to buy music.
Finally I went to torrentz.com, downloaded the whole album for free in fifteen minutes. I have learnt my lesson and I would prefer to spend my money and waste my time elsewhere.
Too much to do, too little time
Lately I have been feeling that I’ve been trying to do too much in my life but don’t have enough time to do it. Time flows by like a river and boredom is a thing I haven’t experienced for a long time. Here’re what I do all week.
During the weekdays, I wake up at 12.30, go out for sometime, come back home at 2, take a bath, play games from 2.30 to 3.30, do a little office work, have my lunch at 4, leave for office at 4.30, come back at 3 in the morning, watch seinfeld and listen to music and sleep at 4.
Saturdays I wake up around 1, play games, watch tv and then go out at around 5 in the evening, roam around cp, relax with a couple of beers, have dinner and come back around 1 at night. Watch a movie or play games and sleep around 4 in the morning. Sundays are similar except that I have to take my parents out instead. Add to all this my chronic laziness.
Here’s a list of things that I really want to do but am too lazy to start or continue
- Play guitar and learn some new songs. Watching my guitar gathering dust makes me want to hate myself.
- Start exercising again. Shoulders drooping, belly likewise.
- Start using my bike more and avoiding the car. I really love my bike and it’s gathering dust.
- Watch some good movies. I’ve some really good classics downloaded for months but haven’t watched them.
- Read some good books.
- Study for my ccnp exams. It’s high time I studied for these exams, otherwise my last exam’s validity will expire.
- Ride the metro more
- Watch travel and living more.
- Read the newspaper.
- Play GTA IV more often so that I can finish it and buy a new game before my graphics card goes obsolete.
- Meet old school friends who are in the same city but I haven’t met them yet.
- Just sit and relax and do nothing for a change.
Whenever I think of these things and how my life has changed for the worse ever since I started working, I start hating myself.
Seems like my life has no purpose.
Playing GTA non-stop has made me crazy
These days whenever I’m roaming around on my bike, instead of the care-free leisurely way I used to earlier, I’m constantly tensed and looking out for cops. Whenever I see cops anywhere, I either speed up and run away, turn around and go the other way or turn into an alley. Whenever I see a cop car moving slowly behind me, I always think that it’s following me, ready to fire it’s siren anytime and chase and shoot me down. It takes me a while to realize that I haven’t done anything wrong and I’m just being paranoid. I think this is one of the side effects of finishing all the versions of Grand Theft Auto, a game where you’re always breaking the law, risking your life and living on the edge. The worst part is, one day my bike’s tire got punctured and for a moment, I had the sudden impulse to ditch it and steal a parked mercedes, similar to what you’ll do in the game.
But whatever may be, life in the game is much exciting than real life. And the best part is, you can save and reload later.
My job is like a medical intern’s
I’ve been watching scrubs a lot lately and I think I can relate to that lifestyle because I have a similar job. Now, I’m not remotely connected to the medical profession, but there are many similarities between my job and that of a medical intern.
1. We both work in shifts, mostly nights.
2. We both have to work under high pressure situations, time being of essence.
3. We both get to work on cases. Some are easy and get solved right away, some take months.
4. There are high priority cases where you can’t do anything unless they gets solved and there are normal ones. Just like an ICU.
5. You don’t feel that happy when you escape at the end of the shift because you know when you return the next day, the cases will be waiting for you.
6. Some cases you don’t know what to do but they got solved by themselves, some cases seem very easy but go on for months.
7. We all have to work on holidays.
8. Research is your best friend.
9. When you don’t know what to do, you go beg your mentor to tell you something.
My trip to Las Vegas
Apparently I had a fabulous weekend in Las Vegas, Nevada. Don’t believe me? Check out the google maps screenshot. According to the google maps on my mobile, my location with an accuracy of 700m is at or near Las Vegas. In reality, I spend my weekend rotting at home watching TV 🙁 Talk about buggy software.
Why I like the delhi metro
Maybe because I like to be among the crowd. Maybe I feel secure lost in the sea of humans. But I really like just getting on the metro and going for a ride to no particular destination. One gets to see people of different cultures and places of different cultures. One of my favorite routes is Dwarka sector 9, where I park my bike to Rajiv Chowk. One gets to see the urban scarcely populated Dwarka residential subtown before passing through crowded areas like Janakpuri, Rajouri garden etc. At jhandewalan, you are greeted by the huge statue of hindu god hanuman and you can always get down at Karol Bagh, one of the oldest marketplaces of delhi which still challenges malls with it’s agelessness. At ramakrishna ashram, the train goes underground before you reach Rajiv Chowk where you can go topside and visit my favorite place, Connaught Place.
The trains, apart from being clean and comfortable are also very punctual. I prefer to carry a smart card with me so that I don’t have to buy tokens everytime. I recommend that everyone ride the metro atleast once though if a ride’s all you’re looking for, prefer to do it on a weekday as weekends can be a crowded affair. Also, make the return journey at night when the trains’s almost empty.