Anxiety Medication Withdrawal Fail-3

Continuing my series about my battle with anxiety, this is a new year special. My latest medication withdrawal fail and third in a year.

So I planned a vacation to Hua Hin for new years. I am anyways not completely at ease while travelling, but this time I topped it by forgetting to take my medication with me. Epic fail! when I realized this, I considered scouring the local pharmacies, begging for prescription medication like a junkie. But since it was only 2 days, I decided to swallow the pill.

Night 1/Day 1

I had a decent amount of alcohol to numb me down and delayed my sleep as much as possible. Once I was really sleepy, I went to sleep. Luckily I fell asleep relatively easy. However, I woke up after a few hours drenched in sweat with my heart trying to escape my chest. I tried going back to sleep but the rest of the night I was in an out of sleep. While being acutely aware of my heartbeat.

Woke up the next day tired. The day was better than the night but was jittery throughout. Sometime during late morning, my hands started shaking. After having some Coca Cola and chilling at the beach, I felt much better. By evening I was almost normal.

At night we went to a New Years Eve party on the beach and I consumed alcohol to distract myself from the impending time I have to go to sleep.

Night 2/Day 2

I went to sleep at 11. Luckily, I fell asleep without much issues, but the fireworks at midnight woke me up. I spent the first few hours of 2023 tossing and turning in bed. I was tired and I was sleepy. But I just couldn’t fall asleep. It was like a brick wall. Eventually I fell asleep but most of the night I was in and out of sleep.

Next morning I woke up tired but otherwise OK. Drove back home and went for a run to clear my head as soon as I came back. Feet felt like bricks while running. Resisted the temptation to pounce on my medication immediately.

In the evening, I figured that I am likely already past the worst phase of the withdrawal so why even go back on my earlier full dose? I had half a dose (0.5mg, compared to 1mg original dose) and went to sleep very tired.

Sleep Changes

One thing I noticed is that my sleep had turned very light, especially in the second half of the night. I was able to fall asleep and sleep well for the first few hours, but for the second half, I was in a strange state. It felt as if I am awake, but I am not because time passes too fast. But I have awareness of things around me, daylight etc. I was miserable, but decided to stick to it to avoid another medication withdrawal fail.

Nights 3/4/5

Nights 3/4/5 went equally poorly. I could only sleep for the first few hours each night and woke up mid-way and failed to go back to proper sleep again.

The days also started seeming gloomier and sadder in general. I even gave up alcohol temporarily.

On day 6, I decided to chalk this up as a medication withdrawal fail and upped my dose to 0.75mg, which is still lower than 1mg, my original dose. With 0.75mg, I am doing more or less okay, something I can live with.

Overall, not a complete withdrawal fail, as I was able to reduce my dosage, by a bit. Baby steps, baby steps.

Creative Cannabis Stores

It is somewhat shocking, the rate at which Cannabis stores have popped up in Bangkok, ever since the legalisation. Seemingly overnight. Suddenly I am surrounded by more Cannabis stores than 7 Elevens.

Below are some that I see on a regular basis that I found creative.

High Society Cannabis Club

This is the one closest to my home. This started out as a small nook above a donut shop, but they eventually bought the property next door for their own place.

Kush House

The first time I saw this place, I thought it was a play area for children. But no.

Kush House Cannabis Store
Kush House Cannabis Store

Green Day Dispensary

I see this every day on my way to office. I find the name funny

Green Day Dispensary
Green Day Dispensary

Happy Star CannaBistro

CannaBistro hahaha.

Happy Star CannaBistro
Happy Star CannaBistro

Mary Jane Cannabis Dispensary

Nothing special, just reminds me of my friend’s band in college.

Mary Jane Cannabis Dispensary
Mary Jane Cannabis Dispensary

Sukhumweed

Nice plan on the words Sukhumvit and Weed

Sukhumweed
Sukhumweed

Wonderland

This is my favourite. It has no pretensions about what it is selling. Everything is clearly labelled.

Wonder Land
Wonder Land

As per Google, there are 241 cannabis stores in Sukhumvit area alone. Thais are extremely shy about smoking up, so it remains to be seen how long all these stores last on expat business alone.

How to be an Assamese

Following up on articles on how to be a Tamil, Gurgaon-ite and a Delhi-ite, this one is about how to be an Assamese. Information gleaned from observing many friends from that region.

  1. Wear a goatee.
  2. Listen to heavy metal music.
  3. If you can, grow long hair.
  4. Smoke weed all the time.
  5. Say “Maksudai” and “Kela” to address incidents you don’t agree with.
  6. Go to study engineering/architecture outside Assam and pick fights with groups of Biharis and UP bhaiyas.
  7. Pretend that famous people were born in Jorhat and try to convince people of the fact.
  8. Sleep at 3 AM and wake up close to noon.
  9. Talk to fellow Assamese in Assamese while people standing with you who don’t know the language look befuddled.
  10. Be obsessed with the flesh of pigs.
  11. Pronounce “ch” as “s”.
  12. Shoot water out of your mouth to impress girls.
  13. Look at Bangladeshi migrants with disgust and treat them as filth.
  14. Insult every other type of food except Assamese food.
  15. Relish pigeon meat.

Some fun Manglish words

Last week, I travelled to Malaysia for the second time. Malay is a tough language to crack. But one thing that makes it easy is that they use the same Latin script as English. So you can at least read the words. This is how I came across many Manglish (Malaysian English) words, which seem to be funny variations of standard English words.

Manglish Commuter=Komuter
Manglish Commuter=Komuter

By the way, these Manglish words are not only used as slang. They are part of official communication and signboards everywhere. Below are some of them I found funny

English Word/PhraseManglish Variant
StationStesen
CentralSentral
Minar (Sorry, I know)Menara
RestaurantRestoran
ClinicKlinik
ActionAckshun/Ekseyen
Is it?Izzit?
What to doWatodo
LiftLif
DiscountDiskaun
CylinderSilinder
MailMel
ProjectProjek
OperationOperasi
SecuritySekuriti
AccessAkses
PolicePolis
CabinetKabinet
UtilityUtiliti
SystemSistem
PremisesPremis
ParkingParkir
CanteenKantin
LobbyLobi
PantryPantri
IntercomInterkom
TelephoneTelefon
TrainTren
CommuterKomuter
ProcedureProsidur
CoachKoc
CantonmentKentonmen
ElectricElektrik
GalleryGaleri
RespiratoryRespiratori
PhilharmonicFilharmonik
CalorieKalori
ExpressEkspres
EscalatorEskalator
MuseumMuzium
ZoneZon
ReceiptResit
MotorcycleMotosikal
ExpoEkspo
TheTeh
LorryLori
LampLampu
MonorailMonorel
TicketTiket
MinuteMinit
BrakeBrek
CommercialKomersial
AccessibilityAksesibiliti
CounterKaunter
ImmigrationImigresen
CustomsKastam
BusBas
HoseHos
AccountAkaun
KioskKios
Common English words/phrases and their Manglish variants

Pathetic Fool-5

Taking my series further global, here’s Pathetic Fool 5 from Malaysia.

Pathetic Fool 5
Pathetic Fool 5

I discovered this one at a Skybar in Kuala Lumpur. She brought with her a framed photo of herself and set it on the table before being seated. Throughout her dinner, she kept looking at her own photo and asked her lover to take pictures of her, with her framed photo.

I am not sure whether she was crazy or just vain.

Pathetic Fool 5
Pathetic Fool 5

iPhone 14 Pro first impressions

So I upgraded from my iPhone 12 Pro to an iPhone 14 Pro. Here’re my takeaways after 1 day:

The camera module is huge. There’s a perceptible slope to the phone when lying flat. The phone looks stupid without a case. Like it has sprouted a tumour.

But the cameras take very nice macro images. Will get creative with this in the days to come.

It is and feels heavier than 12 Pro. I am glad I didn’t get the iPhone 14 Pro Max, which I almost did. My little finger is already suffering.

FaceID is noticeably faster.

The dynamic island is cool. Even the parts with the FaceID sensor and the camera are touch sensitive. Hope more apps develop cool features for it.

Dynamic Island, iPhone 14 Pro
Music, Dynamic Island
Dynamic Island, iPhone 14 Pro
Charging, Dynamic Island
Dynamic Island, iPhone 14 Pro
Lock Screen, Dynamic Island

Although, the notch on the older iPhones had become invisible to me, I still can’t un-see the dynamic island. Also, the Dynamic island sits a bit lower on the screen compared to the older notch, so app content starts even lower. This change is just barely perceptible.

Mail app, iPhone 12 ProMail app, iPhone 14 Pro

The always on display is cool. Time will tell how much battery it uses up.

The display is cooler (as in colour temperature). I think my iPhone 12 Pro Display was unnecessarily warm.

The 120Hz display difference is visible, especially during screen animations and when using the 12 Pro.

Will sell the iPhone 12 Pro once my eSIM situation is sorted out, hopefully in March 2023.

The Thai Cannabis+Alcohol Experience

Another weekend with not much to do. I had some Cannabis left over from last time, so decided to give it another try. Like last time, I chewed it all up around 4 in the evening, assuming it would hit be hours later. Soon, I forgot about it and gulped down some Smirnoff. Big mistake, the Cannabis hit me within an hour this time.

The main thing I remember feeling was as if I was a young kid living with my parents. The second thing I remember feeling was a strange sense of smell in my sinuses. The familiar feeling of nasal congestion (I used to be frequently sick when I was young).

Then I felt as if I had just watched a South Indian movie (I think Roja or Bombay). It makes me feel like I have some very repressed and strong memories of watching these movies.

Last time the Cannabis hit me after dinner, but this time it was early evening so it made things a bit complicated. I took our dog for a walk. It was still evening, but to me it weirdly felt as if it was early morning. Then I started over thinking things, what would happen if I do something specific. But it was one of the best walks I had with our dog. It was as if I could feel what the dog was thinking and where she wanted to go. It was as if we both became one during our walk.

Soon I started to feel the familiar dread of wasting the weekend in such a state instead of being present. Back home, if I held my head still for too long, any sudden movement after felt as if a huge jerk hit my head. I remember being very thirsty. Also, it brought out some hidden memory of being at some temple very early in the morning. We had also booked a table for dinner at a fancy restaurant and I remember feeling as if that it would now go to waste.

I booked a taxi and went to the washroom. Then I felt a sudden sense of panic as if I booked the taxi and then forgot about it for hours. When I rushed back to my phone, I realised it has only been a few minutes. I felt a weird feeling that my upper jaw would ram into my lower jaw at high speed breaking all my teeth. Soon I felt as if I was going to Murthal dhabas early in the morning. Then I felt as if I was finishing my shift at a call centre early in the morning to go home.

At dinner, I was completely absent. I had no idea what the staff was saying and had to think about everything twice before I understood it properly. I remember ordering normal food and then something overcame me and I ordered a full chicken. When it arrived, I decided I don’t want to eat it anymore and gave it to my dog below the table. It was spicy and afterwards, I remember the dog drinking lots of water. I do remember eating more than 1 Churros and wanting to eat even more.

Somehow (I don’t remember) I came back home and went to sleep.

On the bed, it felt as if the bed was moving like a roller coaster. I remember holding on to the side of the bed with my fingernails afraid I will fall off. Bordering on panic, I somehow closed my eyes and forced myself to go to sleep.

Cannabis and alcohol fuelled sleep
Cannabis and alcohol fuelled sleep

Overall, I wouldn’t call this a pleasant experience. I regret wasting so many hours of what remained of my weekend high and asleep. Or perhaps next time I will eat the buds in the morning, so that I am high by afternoon and normal by sleep time.

PS: Reconstructed from notes taken. during the experience.

Jurassic World Dominion

Another boring weekend with not much to do; I decided to check which recent-ish movie is now available to stream. After looking at various options, I settled on Jurassic World Dominion. Hence, another movie review.

The original Jurassic Park trilogy was revolutionary for its time, renowned for its animatronics. I saw them when I was a child growing up in the 90s. I was never a huge fan of the second trilogy, but saw the movies over the years as time pass, nothing more. Somehow Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard couldn’t recreate the same magic for me, as the original cast did. I didn’t have high hopes from Jurassic World Dominion to begin with but I found it surprisingly average.

Jurassic World Dominion, PC: agedxh.qc.to
Jurassic World Dominion, PC: agedxh.qc.to

The movie is set in a world where Dinosaurs now roam free. But otherwise the movie brings nothing new. A greedy corporation builds a Dinosaur preserve and tries to use the dinosaurs for personal greed. Things go wrong, a bunch of people (including the villain) get eaten by dinosaurs but our heroes save the day. In the end there’s a fight between 2 Apex dinosaurs. Same old.

The new villain in the movie is Tim Cook who uses Android devices. I wonder why they specifically chose him as he is not a particularly interesting or charismatic character in real life.

The return of the original stars

I will be frank; the return of the original cast carries the movie. Paleontologist Alan Grant (Sam Neill), paleobotanist Ellie Sattler (Laura Dern), and chaos theorist Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) still have amazing chemistry between them and it shows. There are many references to the original movies including a car-dinosaur scene and a reference to Jeff Goldblum’s bare chest. These throwback scenes make the otherwise average Jurassic World Dominion fun to watch.

Chris Pratt’s acting is just average and Bryce Dallas Howard has her perpetually terrified face down pat. If not for the original cast, the movie might not even be worth a one time watch.

I can recommend Jurassic World Dominion as a one time watch, for old times sake.

Off with the face masks!

It is now 3 years since the beginning of the COVID pandemic and since we started wearing face masks. Luckily, me and my family haven’t been infected till now. In India, most people didn’t take masks seriously to begin with. But now, masks are a mere distant memory of more inconvenient times. Which is why, it is such a culture shock to see how serious Thais still are about them. 

In Thailand, it seems like masks are here to stay. Although, the government has removed the compulsions of masks, the Thais have decided to stick with them for now. 

Thai students wearing masks
Thai students wearing masks

Almost every Thai wears masks, all the time, everywhere. On the streets, in shopping malls, at restaurants, in pubs and in offices. In offices, they wear masks even when sitting at their desks all day. When eating or drinking something, the masks are temporarily lowered for the bite/sip and then pulled back up. Basically, the exact opposite of Indians. 

I assume Thais take off their masks when they are at home and while sleeping, however I have no evidence for the same. Overall, I think it is commendable how Thais are so serious about protecting their health and of those around them. 

Of course, none of this compares with the Chinese, who have taken COVID precautions to whole new (crazy) levels. I still see people in full hazmat suits at airports everywhere and I know that when I look at their passports, they will turn out to be Chinese. 

Chinese taking masks to a new level
Chinese taking masks to a new level

Moonfall

Another Roland Emmerich disaster movie. When I saw the trailer for Moonfall a few years ago, I just burst out laughing at the premise. I didn’t think I would ever see it. But another boring Sunday at home changed my mind.

Independence Day was a really good movie; one of the few disaster movies done really well. Since then, the offerings from Roland Emmerich have really gone downhill.

Moonfall
Moonfall

Although the premise of Moonfal is new, the rest of the movie is the same as any other Roland Emmerich movie.

The movie starts with the protagonist, an astronaut who comes in contact with extraterrestrial technology while in space, but no one believes him. Fast forward a few years, he is now washed up and has separated from his wife. Surprisingly similar to David from Independence Day.

The other main character is an anxiety-ridden, IBS rocking conspiracy theorist one step away from a panic attack. He is always trying to convince people about his theories. He, too, ends up like David, running around with some computer printouts with data needed to convince people. The conspiracy theorist is also a fanboy of Space X and keeps saying “I love Elon”.

Same Tired Formula

The rest of the movie is entirely predictable. Same scenes of chaos and looting. People trying to get out of cities, while the moon falls to earth. The government orders mass evacuation. To where? All this talk about getting to safety. Which place on earth will save you from the moon colliding with earth?

When the government finds out that the moon is out of orbit what do they do? Go to the moon to investigate. A mission is organised and launched within days. Laughable.

Another scene of government retrieving someone to help them with “We need you to come with us, now”.

Also laughable is how they take a graffiti-ed space shuttle from a museum, prep it within days and launch with the crew being decided at the last minute.

The movie is also full of shameless advertisement of Kaspersky. Even the space shuttle systems have Kaspersky antivirus installed.

The only thing good about the movie is the VFX. The scenes of destruction are impressive. The shots from inside the moon are breath taking. Halle Berry’s acting is piss-poor.

Overall, I don’t understand why producers keep financing Roland Emmerich when he has nothing new to offer.