Rant

Arrange the following…

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One day I got an sms asking me to arrange the following in order of their importance in my life.
God, Friends, Parents, Love, Money, Sex. So here you are:-

  1. Parents
  2. Friends
  3. Love
  4. Money
  5. Sex

God ain’t on my list because I refuse to add somethin on the list which doesn’t exist. I would be obliged if you would arrange them according to your choice in the comments section..

Music

Bryan!!! You rock!!!

3 Comments

On the 4th, I had the most fun I ever had in my life. It was my first live concert by an international artist. I was there almost 2 hours before the concert and even then found a long queue. The concert was opened by the Superfuzz Bigmuffs who were excellent but didn’t quite please the crowd because they were playing originals. Anyways, Bryan just ROCKED!!!! He played all the good songs and really sent the crowd into a frenzy. After the concert, my whole body was paining and my throat was sore. Anyways, gotta go now, will post soon..

Hate, Rant

My Hate list..

10 Comments

This is my hate list. These are the people I would wish to rot in hell for eternity.

  1. Ekta Kapoor:-You are a rich business tycoon. You are also responsible for poisoning the minds of lacs of Indians with your meaningless and depressing tv serials. Your serials contain nothing but shit. Women and men plotting against each other and killing each other. Notable features of your serials are people returning from the dead, getting plastic surgery and changing their faces completely, couples re-discovering lost children after 20 years, villians turning into good people after their mothers reformed them. Sometimes the mother is not high on patience just kills her own son in matrix style, slow motion and thus making a huge sacrifice for the society. You believe that starting your serial’s names with K will make them a huge hit. You even introduce multiple ‘k’s in the names. If I ever get my hands on you, I will strangle you to death but not before I torture you for days on end by showing you your own serials.
  2. Smriti Irani:-You play the self-sacrificing daughter-in-law on many serials on TV. You look really bad and you make matters worse by dousing your face in false tears most of the time. In real life, you were homeless and when your best friend gave you a place to stay under her own roof, you eloped with her husband. You killed your own son on TV. You shot him matrix style and when he didn’t die, you strangled him in the hospital bed. But you as usual, come out to be the great sacrificer. You support frauds like Ram Dev Baba. I hate you as much as I hate Ekta Kapoor.
  3. Courtney Love:-You killed Kurt Cobain and got away with it!! You deprived the world of his great music. Thanks to you, I will never see him perform live. You have appropriately named your band HOLE. You can’t even take care of your daughter Frances Bean Cobain because most of the time you are in prison or a rehabilitation centre. You even bared your non-existant assets playing live on stage. I will hate you till eternity.
  4. Jay Z:-I really used to like Linkin Park till you came and poisoned their music with your f*****g hip-hop. I had to tear away the LP posters and throw the cds out of the window. Your head is shaped like a potato, your torso is shaped like a potato and your whole body is also shaped like a potato. You are also going out with beyonce(I hate her too).
  5. Anu(s) Malik:-You are the biggest Plagiarist in the history of India. You shamelessly plagiarise songs from other artists. Americans, British, Indian songs all have been victim of your Plagiarism. How can you copy a song word by word/music beat by beat and claim it was just a co-incidence? And your excuse of getting inspired from someone’s music also doesn’t work. I am inspired by Nirvana but I can’t play Smells Like Teen Spirit with my friends, record it and start selling. It’s an insult both to the intelligence of people and the artist. You are a big snob even on Indian Idol. You make fun of people openly. You even introduced yourself to Pierce Brosnan as the biggest music director of India.
  6. Clubber Lang:-You are a fictitious character, but I still hate you. You killed Mickey Goldmill in Rocky 3. I will never forgive you for this.
  7. Donald Trump:-You look like a dork. Just because you are rich, doesn’t mean you are attractive. All those beautiful women you go around with are just with you because of your money. Your hairstyle??? I hate comb-overs and hate you. I will prefer to starve than work with you.
  8. Queen Latifah:-Just your name cracks me up. Queen??? Of what? The gutters? You look like a hippo. You even have the nerve to dance in front of millions. I am also jealous of your biceps. I wish I had such huge biceps and broad shoulders. You are so manly!!!
  9. Britney Spears:-I hate your songs and I hate you. I also hate Christina Aguilera but since I cannot find any difference between the lot of you, I have only allotted one entry. You look and dress like whores and expect people to watch your songs to see you dancing around half-naked(which they do). Your music sucks. You can’t even call it music. The hyenas of the neighbourhood are much more musical than all of you put together. You tried to imitate Ross and Rachel in FRIENDS and got married drunk and got it annulled a few days later.
  10. 50 Cent:-Or half dollar as grooveguru calls you, you are self proclaimed pimp. You used to peddle drugs and got shot in the face. Suddenly you realised how the quality of music has come down in the recent years and thought you had a good chance at getting rich legally. You recorded songs, danced around the screen with naked girls, calling them hoes and yourself a pimp and much more obscenities much to the delight of the listeners who squeal with pleasure as they hear your songs on screen.
Rant

What I wanted to be..

6 Comments
  1. When I was very small, I wanted to be a doctor so that I could heal people.
  2. In school, between the age of 10 and 12, I wanted to be a cricketer. My idol was Sunil Gavaskar.
  3. Between the ages of 13 and 15, I wanted to be a commercial pilot.
  4. Between the ages of 16 and 17, I wanted to be an astronaut.
  5. In high school, since I was fascinated by physics, I wanted to be a scientist. My idol was Einstein.
  6. In college, I was heavily influenced by Rocky and I wanted to be a boxer. I started jogging, working out heavily and without a change in diet, quickly lost 10 kgs making me look like a stick.
  7. For the last 2 years, I want to be a guitarist for a rock band. My Idol? None other than Kurt Cobain.

Now, slowly as reality sinks in, all those dreams are lost. In this world, just to survive, you have to get a good degree and beg for a job. To be any of the above, you need exceptional skills/the will to study very hard and I have neither of them. It’s better I stick to what I can really do and am good at(Computers).

Rant

Why the last few months haven’t been exactly great for me…

4 Comments
  1. The piston of my bike siezed owing to the a jammed oil filter and I had to get a new one.
  2. I had a terrible accident on my friend’s bike and nearly got my head smashed. I still have the scars from that accident.
  3. One of my friends killed himself by hanging and I saw the dreadful sight. That sight lingered in front of my eyes during my exams. My spirits were in the dumps the whole time.
  4. Expecting my spirits to lift at new year, I had to see a terrible accident scene in front of PP’s garage pub.
  5. I travelled back home to Kolkata by sleeper class. Caught fever on the way and shivered the whole way with the chilly wind blowing across me. One of the worst and longest nights ever.
  6. I had to stay in bed for many days till I recovered from the fever/cold.
  7. The joystick of my mobile popped off and I couldn’t find a new one.
  8. The barber cut my hair too short, making me look like a damn cactus.
  9. I was on my way to Nagpur on 25th when the train tracks were blown up by naxalite rebels and I had to run away and come back home by a series of different local trains full of stinky people.

Hope my luck changes by the time my birthday arrives and I enjoy at the concert.I am now going directly to mumbai on 1st.

Movies

I forgot a movie!!!!

2 Comments

I forgot one movie for my Top-10 list. It’s Con Air. As of now, the list is Top 11 list. As I don’t get to write my blog at my leisure(I write from a cyber cafe), I often forget a few things. Anyways, this movie should definitely have been on the list.
It’s one of the few action movies that I can watch again and again without getting bored. Cameron Poe(Nicholas Cage) is an ex marine who kills someone in a drunken brawl while defending his wife and gets jailed. One thing I really adored in this movie was Cameron Poe’s accent. Coupled with great dialogues, the movie is really killin. The dialogue “Put the bunny back in the box” and “There’s only two men I trust… One is me and the other is not you” were really cool and I use them in real life even if they seem out of place. The characters, Cyrus the virus, Johny 23, Pinball, Garland Green were really great.
I am leaving for Nagpur tomorrow. Will reach on 26th. Will leave for Mumbai on 27th for the Bryan Adams concert. WIll stay there till 5th and then come back to Nagpur on 6th.
Will post the details of the concert next!!!

Movies

My List Of Favorite Movies

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Well, since everyone is doing it, I have also decided to compile a list of my favorite movies. These are the movies which I can watch again and again and again….. They are arranged in no particular order. Please don’t mind if you find the list a little biased towards sly.
1. Rocky:- Undoubtedly, the Rocky movies are my favorite movies of all time, Rocky(1976) being my most beloved movie of all. This movie combined just the right mix of emotions, action and sentiments. However, I liked the rest of the movie much more than the fight sequence at the end. Slowly, the emotional content rapidly diminishes from Rocky II onwards till Rocky V where John G. Avildsen returns to the director’s chair. Even though the movie(V) didn’t do particularly well, I liked it a lot. I think Sylvester “Sly” Stallone looked his best in Rocky III while the lean look in Rocky IV was excellent. Dolph Lundgren was the perfect choice for Ivan Drago’s character in Rocky IV. All the characters – Adrian, Mickey, Pauli, Gazzo, Butkus are perfectly casted. It was after seeing this movie that I went on an exercising spree 😉 The greatest movie series of all time excellent soundtrack by Bill Conti, Vince Di Cola, Survivor etc.!!
2. Godfather:- I have nothing much to say about the Godfather movies. I think Grooveguru will be a much better judge than me. Excellent acting by Marlon Brando, Al Pacino, Robert Duvall, although I found the 3rd part a bit disappointing(I slept through it.. Yawn!!) One of the best dialogues of movie history “I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse…”
3. First blood/ Rambo II/Rambo III:- My favorite action movie. I saw first blood around 12 years ago. You can’t but feel sorry for Rambo John J. as he is picked on by the town sherrif and his deputies. Soon, you feel sorry for the sherrif as Rambo goes on a killing spree through town. Actually, I felt so much hatred for actor Brian Dennehy(who played the sherrif) that I won’t watch any of his movies any more. No doubt Sylvester Stallone looked his career best in this movie. The sequels Rambo II and Rambo III were also excellent though not as good as First Blood. Excellent acting by Sly and also great song “It’s a long road” by Dan Hill.
4. School of Rock:- I agree that this wasn’t such a great movie. But it inspired me to start playing guitar so I thought it deserved a spot in my list. If those twerps can play guitar, so can I. Jack Black is a great actor and a great guitarist. Great soundtrack by The Who, No Vacancy, The doors, Led Zeppelin, The Ramones and many other artists. The kids played “It’s a long way to the top” perfectly.
5. Back to the Future I,II,III:- Steven Spielberg churns out a masterpiece again!! I am a science fiction fan and this movie is my favorite sci-fi flick.. All the three movies of this trilogy are excellent. Michael J. Fox(Playing Marty Mc Fly) travels into the past and future with the help of the whacky scientist (Christopher Lloyd). These movies are quite hilarious and fast paced. The expressions used by Fox are excellent and makes the viewer break up into peals of laughter.
6. October Sky:- I am surprised to know that not many people have watched this wonderful movie. It’s based in 1957,Coalwood, West Virginia. Homer Hickam(Jake Gyllenhaal) strives to break away from mining(which is the profession of his dad and the whole town) and become a rocket scientist. Slow paced, this movie touches an emotional chord. Excellent cinematography and great acting makes this movie worth watching many times.
7. Enter the Dragon:- This is the best martial arts movie of all time. Bruce Lee is just electrifying as he goes to Hahn’s island to avenge the death of his sister and expose his drug racket. Great fight scenes, especially the one with the mirrors. Bruce Lee’s last movie and probably his best too. Great fight performances by Bruce Lee and John Saxon. I am sorry but no one including Jet Li, Jackie Chan(Duh!!), can match the acting or fighting performances of Bruce Lee.
8. Alien/Aliens:- My favorite horror/sci-fi movies. My favorite of this series is Aliens(second part of the sequel). Sighourney Weaver proves her capability as an action star. The first movie is very primitive while the second part is much modern filled with non-stop action. Even after I have watched the movies several times now, the sudden appearances of the Aliens sends a chill down my spine. Great acting by Lance Henriksen(Bishop), Michael Biehn accompanied by great cinematography, the constant tension in the air makes this a horror movie worth watching.
9. Star Wars:- A great movie series. The series is so long and has so many actors that describing all of them will be a bore. However, George Harrison’s acting is commendable. Soundtrack is also great. R2D2, C3PO and Chewie have become immortal characters even though they weren’t even human. Also commendable is the decision to make the movie starting from the 4th episode and the ultimate twist in the 6th Episode.
10.Forrest Gump:- A truly emotional as well as funny movie showing the exceptional life led by a dim guy called Forrest Gump(Iq of only 75). From school-to football star-to the army-to ping pong star-to fishing tycoon, life leads him from one adventure to another.The scenes where he meets great celebrities like John F. Kennedy, Richard Nixon and John Lennon(Surprisingly, they all die). Anyways, the greatest point of the movie may be the dialogue “I’m not a smart man. But I *know* what love is…”

Hate, Music

I hate you Black Eyed Piss!!

6 Comments

When a year or so ago, I heard the song “Where is the love” by the Black Eyed Peas, I immediately fell in love with it. “Here’s a hip hop band with good songs”, I said, even though I didn’t fancy the other songs. Recently, I was sitting in front of the TV, surfing channels frantically. As I passed through VH1, I saw the Black Eyed Peas on stage about to perform for some awards(I don’t remember which). So the girl announces, “Now we are gonna play our latest songs – My Humps”. What??????? Did I hear right?? My HUMPS???? Open mouthed, I watched them perform this song. Was something wrong with my hearing or were they really singing these lyrics???
What you gon’ do with all that junk?All that junk inside your trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps. (Check it out)
Some other examples of the explicit lyrics sung by the girl with a provocative swaying of her hips are:-
They say I’m really sexy, The boys they wanna sex me.
They always standing next to me, Always dancing next to me,
Tryin’ a feel my hump, hump.
Lookin’ at my lump, lump.U can look but you can’t touch it,
If you touch it I’ma start some drama,You don’t want no drama,
No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama
So don’t pull on my hand boy,You ain’t my man, boy,
I’m just tryn’a dance boy,And move my hump.
As the song finished, I sat dejected on how the quality of what they call “MUSIC” has degraded severely. They call this darned thing music???? Lyrics seem to be written by a frustrated 12 year old girl. There’s no music to speak of and they call this music. And they even have the nerve to perform these songs on stage. This got me thinking about the trend international music is going these days. Almost any music channel you switch to, you just find hip-hop songs, all promoting the use of drugs, guns and public sex. Even the rock bands are turning hip-hop(Linkin Park-I hate Jay-Z). Same with Indian music.
I am seriously disappointed by the music of today because of which I have to wait for months for a good album to come out. (See Rolling Stones-Rain Fall down)

Movies

King Kong

2 Comments

Well, a week ago, I had the great privelege to see this great movie at INOX. Carl Denham(Jack Black) is a movie director who sets off for skull island with Ann Darrow(Naomi Watts) and law at his heels. There he finds a vicious natives who kidnap Ann to sacrifice her to the beast Kong. But instead of devouring her, kong gets horny and takes her with him to his lair. From here on, we find that the island is full of nothing except sexually frustrated creatures. There are brontosaurs, the T-rex, Godzilla and many more. But Kong is trained in martial arts. He uses his skills to the max and saves poor Ann from the creatures. Personally, I would have liked it if there were more creatures like the Alien and the Predator. And maybe the terminator too. Carl and his crew rescue Ann and meanwhile also manage to trap Kong by beating him with chloroform bottles and brings him back to America. Maybe he hasn’t seen movies like Aliens. YOU NEVER BRING THE BEAST BACK WITH YOU!!! But anyways, he showcases Kong on broadway to the delight of his audiences. Meanwhile his libido combined with his sexual frustration and his amazing strength enables him to tear apart the chains that are holding him and escape in search for Ann and go off on a rampage. Meanwhile we realise that Ann has changed her sexual preferences from man to beast and also goes off in search for him. They meet(not mate) and Kong carries her to the tallest skyscraper in New York. Here he is shot down by World War 1 planes much to the disappointment of Ann. Hey Ann, I heard walruses are pretty big. Anyways, the movie was fairly good with great cinematography giving it the sepia old world feel. I would definitely recommend this movie.

Motorcycle

Long Term Review of Royal Enfield Thunderbird

8 Comments

Hey!! I seem to be enjoying writing reviews. January 2006 will mark the 2nd anniversary of my bike. So I thought a review would do nicely. This bike(Zapeedo) has been my constant companion for almost 2 years now and enjoys a special place in my life. It never fails to start at the first(or maybe second or maybe third) kick in the morning. I simply love the thumping and smooth ride. Anyways I would now list the pros and cons of the bike which have come to light during these 2 years and 21000 kms..
Pros:-

  1. Great Pickup:- It’s faster than most indian “sports” bikes available inspite of the heavy weight(180kgs). Incredible pulling power even at speeds above 80.
  2. Great Top-Speed:- I have personally touched a little over 120 kmph on the Nagpur-Kamptee road but could feel that the bike had a little more power left to go even faster.
  3. Extremely smooth:- At speeds of 50, this bike feels very smooth and stable. Even at speeds above 100, the bike feels well balanced. No gust of wind can shake this bike.
  4. Great looks.
  5. Extremely cheap spare parts:-The clutch plate of the Thunderbird costs around 400 and that of the CBZ costs around 1300.
  6. Extremely simple engine design.
  7. Good handling:- Though not like the standard 350, the thunderbird corners great on even the most slippery roads.
  8. Great feel:- No other bike can replace the thumping feeling of the enfield.

Cons:-

  1. Below Average service:- The service centers refused to repeatedly acknowledge noise in my cam and tappets which led to my cam problem. Instead they keep pestering me to buy accessories like a windshield etc.
  2. Handling:- After a certain degree of cornering, the low footpegs touch the road though I think this can be corrected. Please remember that I am talking very low cornering.
  3. Pushrods based Engine:- Though, the thunderbird is never expected to reach rpms above 4500 rpm(At a speed of 100 kmph, the rpm in 5th gear is 4000 rpm), the pushroad system provides certain difficulties in the form of tappet noise and subsequent adjustments.
  4. Design drawbacks:- I think these are design problems that the decompressor cable breaks at a certain point every time where the cable bends sharply. Today was the 5th time in 2 years and starting without the decompressor is a pain in the arse.

Earth bound misfit, I