Category Archives: Rant

Rant, Satire

Bride needed for Kayastha boy

13 Comments

I am looking for a prospective bride for my Kayastha roommate. He is now frustrated and needs a girl. Since he cannot get a girlfriend, he has turned to marriage. Criteria for the girl are

1. Should not be taller than my roommate i.e. 5 feet 4 inches
2. Colour no bar
3. Same caste is preferred, though some other caste would do fine if exceeding the other criteria.
4. Should be working. Company doesn’t matter as long as money is good.
5. Should be fine with my roommate drinking till late night with friends(us) and not coming home at all.
6. Should not wear revealing clothes.
7. Should know how to drive car/bike as my roommate doesn’t know either.
8. Even if superior to my roommate, should pretend that she’s inferior to satisfy his male ego.
9. Should be fine with a balding husband.
10. Should be used to abuses and curses floating around the house.
11. Should be aware of a low-rent spacious apartment in Gurgaon where me and my other roommate can move into after the groom is gone.
12. Should cook well and be prepared to feed us whenever we drop in for some nice food.
13. Should be able to pour beer with expertise without spilling it while retaining just the right amount of foam.

If there are any revisions, will update accordingly. Guy working in a German ERP company. Guy’s parents are ready and marriage can take place within a year. Interested girls, parents please contact me by comments here.

Rant

Amazing Advertisement – Durex

8 Comments

I saw this amazing ad of an apple flavored condom in the newspaper today and thought I just had to put it up here. I applaud the people who thought of the captions. Click on the image to see a bigger version.

“Your turn to seduce her with the forbidden fruit” Ha Ha..
“Next time she’s hungry for love, offer her a heavenly temptation.”

This is creativity at it’s best. Excellent Job!!

Rant

How to gain weight rapidly

6 Comments

I am writing this from my personal experience over the past 2 months or so. The easiest way to gain weight is to go to gym for a few days and then stop going for a week or so. Go again for a few days and then stop going for a week. I don;t know why this happens, I just start eating like crazy after I go to the gym and the effect remains for a few days even after I have stopped working out. The weight gain is at all the wrong places and of the wrong sort so beware. He He.

Rant

Finance

4 Comments

Earlier today I saw this guy driving this car with this goofy message printed on the back. Click on the photo to see a bigger version.

Now I wonder of being an atheist was such a good idea after all. I could sure use a car in this heat. 😀

Rant, Technology

Electric Car – A farce

9 Comments

The electric car is one of the biggest objects of farce in today’s age. People keep on crying about how electric cars run on electricity and not by burning hydrocarbons and hence they are less polluting and “environment friendly” Ha. Ha. Looks like the people who say this have never believed in anything written outside text books and tabloids or understood a few simple concepts of physics.

Let’s take for example a regular petrol/diesel powered car. The efficiency of a stock normal compression petrol engine is around 30% and that of a diesel engine is 45%. That means 45% of the energy obtained from burning fuel is actually converted into mechanical energy to move a car and this includes mechanical loss and heat loss. For high performance cars, the figure may be up to 50%.

Now let’s take the “environment friendly” electric car. An electric car motor has an efficiency of around 90%!! Wow!! Isn’t that amazing?? And also so pollution free! Not quite so! Where does the electricity used to charge the car come from? From power plants. What do these power plants run from? In India, 87% power is produced by burning coal. The efficiency of a typical Indian power plant is around 23%(US=33%) which means a loss of 77%. Add to that transmission losses of around 15%(US=9%). Battery charging efficiency is at the best 70% which means a loss of 30%. This brings the total efficiency of an electric car down to 19% starting from the first fuel. And this is using coal, which is much much more polluting than petrol or diesel. I’m not even taking into account the fact that half the weight of an electric car is the batteries which is a waste of the mechanical energy. Also, each megawatt of power utilised more in the cities means 1 less hour of electricity per day in the villages. And the villages i’m talking about get only a few hours of electricity per day as it is.

Let’s look at the total efficiency figures of a diesel and electric car

Diesel—–Diesel Engine 55% loss——> Mechanical Energy = 45% Efficiency

Coal/Diesel—-Turbine power plant 77% loss—>Transmission 15% loss—>Battery charging 30% loss—->Electric Motor loss 10%—->Mechanical Energy = 19% efficiency

Modern diesel and petrol engines are almost pollution free and you also get performance and practicality. Would you want to go on a road trip and stop for a charge every 100km or so and even then crawl along at speeds not more than 80kmph. And for all this you shell out 4 times as more than you would for an Internal Combustion car and also have people laugh at you.

Unless more efficient and pollution free power generation is adopted, the electric car is clearly impractical and in fact more polluting than a normal car. The only difference is that a normal car pollutes the urban section and the electric car pollutes the suburbs and the rural. The blame of pollution is just passing from your conscience to the government.

Rant

Alcohol blues

2 Comments

I really envy those people who, after having enormous quantities of alcohol just pass out and then sleep for hours without any care in the world. I, myself am not so lucky. Each time I have a lot of alcohol, especially a cocktail of different types, after a disturbed sleep of a few hours, I wake up with a headache and a hunger unable to sleep anymore however hard I try. The few hours of sleep I get are full of bad dreams(my bike being stolen, my bike’s engine seizing, my guitar dying) and I’m tossing and turning most of the time. I have tried everything, anti hangover pills, eating a lot, eating a lot of rice, saturating myself with water, sucking lemons(though I like doing that anyways) nothing seems to help. The whole day after that, I feel tired and exhausted and i yawn all the time. I’ve learnt with experience that during such times, instead of trying to sleep, I should just wake up and do stuff and sleep later. Today’s one of those days. My eyes are hurting, my stomach is hurting with hunger and my head is hurting. There’s nothing to eat at home and I’m too lazy to go out. I guess I’ll just read my book.

Rant

I’m not a misognyst

3 Comments

Contrary to what people accuse me of, I’m not a misognyst. I don’t hate women at all. People seem to think this way because they may have seen me abuse them as I abuse others. But that is only because I firmly believe in the equality of men and women. If I can abuse my male friends without them feeling bad about it, why can’t I abuse their female counterparts in exactly the same way? Also, I don’t look down on women at all! I just believe that men are better at some things (driving, troubleshooting, staying calm under tense situations) while women are better than men in other stuff(playing mind games, mind control, making people feel bad about themselves). How can anyone accuse me of such foolish things?

Music, Rant

Deja Vu, some very wierd experiences

4 Comments

This seems straight out of the Final Destination movies. Today when I was sleeping in the afternoon, I had a vivid dream that I was in the CERN large Hadron Collider making some repairs with some other people when it strikes that if someone wants, they can switch it ON with me inside it and there’s nothing I can do about it. Now, the large Hadron Collider is a circular tunnel located 100m underground and has a circumference of 27km and used to conduct particle physics experiments. The weirdest part is that after I woke up and started reading the newspaper, the collider was mentioned the international section. It was sort of very strange. It’s certainly not a popular news item so why should it be in the newspaper on the same day I am dreaming about it? Also, even though I had read of the collider long ago somewhere in some novel, I hadn’t heard of it recently. I vividly remember that in my dream, I asked someone how long the tunnel is and he told me approx. 17 miles and I even calculated how long it would take us to circle it completely on foot. Now, when I came to office and looked up the collidor in wikipedia, it’s circumference was mentioned as 27km. When I convert this to miles, 27km= 27*0.621371192 = 16.7 miles!!! Which is almost the same as in my dream. Now, however long ago I had read of the collider, there’s no way I could have remembered this statistical detail and even then, it’s almost right.

Also, going through wikipedia I learnt that the first attempt to circulate a beam through the entire LHC is scheduled for September 10, 2008, only a few days from today. Creepy!!

Today in office I was walking through the second floor having just vended a couple of Perk chocolates from the vending machine when I felt the impulse to sing the song “Pour some sugar on me”. After I reached my desk and signed on to gtalk, I saw that one of my friend’s status was “Pour some sugar on me”!!! This really freaked me out!!!

What this means, I have no idea. If I go by the final destination movie rules, maybe I am about to really visit the collider on the 10th by some freak chance and the Def Leppard band members will switch it on and I will be bombarded with sub-atomic particles and meet my fate.. Maybe travel in time. Maybe I will even mutate into a superhero.. But certainly I will keep a lookout for more of these freak coincidences

Hate, Music, Rant

The Rock Scene in Delhi sucks…

5 Comments

Today I got my relocation refunds back from office and decided to do what I used to do in Nagpur and Kolkata and never did once in Delhi. I decided to go to some awesome rock pub and listen to awesome music and have some awesome beer. With Goru with me(He even wore a Ramones T-Shirt for the occasion), I drove all the way to South Ext. from Gurgaon to look for the much Hyped “Cafe Morrison”. Someone had told me that live bands played there. After an hour of trying to find South Ext. and then half an hour to find Cafe Morrison, we stood below the Huge sign proclaiming “Cafe Morrison” with the words “Hard Rock” written below it. This indeed looked very promising and as we were entering, the manager stood in front of the stairs. Here’s the conversation

Manager: Yes Sir?
Me: Hard Rock Cafe.. We’re 2
Manager: I’m sorry only Couples are allowed
Me: What??? Couple entry?? In a rock pub??
Manager: Yes sir, only couples are allowed on the floor.
Me: Floor?? What floor? Dance floor?
Manager: Yes sir!!
Me: Shit man!!

This was the end of the grand evening I had imagined for myself. What rock pub would allow only couples inside and what would it do with a dance floor? I was disgusted with the place and immediately left. I called a friend of mine to find out if there are any more pubs nearby. He recommended me to Defence Colony market. I went there and looked for pubs everywhere but could find none. All that was there were Restro-lounges. Thinking that my friend must have been talking about one of these, we made our way inside the nicest looking of them all, the “Moets” The interiors were tribal inspired and the music sucked big time. When we entered, they were playing some pop numbers. The DJ soon shifted to hip-hop shit after that which prompted us to leave our beer and request him to play some “Rock”. The DJ made such a disgusting face as if I had mentioned something horrible to him(You sonnwabitch, Himesh cocksucker). After that, all he played was Black Eyed Piss and we obviously had to leave.

I remembered a place in one of the malls in Gurgaon called “Ruby Tuesday”. Thinking, it must be inspired from the Rolling Stones song of the same name, we left for it. We asked the manager what type of music they play and he answered “Imported”. Unfortunately, the music, even here sucked a lot. The only thing connecting this place to rock was a picture of Jim Morrison on the wall. Upon requesting him to play some Rock music, the guy quickly changed the song and we could hear the starting riffs of Smoke on the Water. But after a few seconds, we realized that the song was a remix by some unknown artist. So were Summer of 69, Hotel California, Eye of the Tiger, Another Brick in the wall and then everything all over again.

Frankly, I am hugely disappointed by the general Music scene of Delhi. I should I have known this beforehand because I have almost never heard of anyone from Delhi listening to nice rock music.

Someplace Else is the only thing I miss about Kolkata. Atleast it satisfied my musical needs.

Rant

Famous Trannies

20 Comments

These are some people who I suspect are trannies disguised as women living a normal life in our society. Coincidentally they are all disguised as women. Here are a few of them.

1. Jamie Lee Curtis

She looks like a man and even has a man’s name. Word has it her parents were confused when she was born whether she was a man or a woman so named her Jamie. She tried her best to show off her body throughout her acting career but she still looks like a man.

2. Mayawati

She is so damn ugly and so disgusting to look at, even if she were to go around as a man, she would have been considered disgusting.

3. Hillary Clinton

Don’t know why a smart guy like Bill Clinton married this sorry looking hag but he surely found useful resources elsewhere(read:Monica Lewinsky). Because of here genes, even their kids look awful.

4. Fergie

Even though this Black Eyed Piss singer has stuffed silicon and adipose all over her body, one can easily see through it all that she is in fact, a man. Maybe gay.

5. Golden Brooks

This model is not even very famous but sure looks like a tranny.

6. Billy Joe Armstrong

This greenday singer looks like an unpopular college girl and even wears Kohl around her eyes to emphasize the fact

7. Karan Johar

Gay or straight, man or woman, he ain’t a normal man for sure

8. The Williams Sisters

I wonder how I could have been such a fool to forget the Williams Sisters(Thanks Crypt). They are the most manly so called females on the face of this earth. Those biceps put my thighs to shame