Rant, Work

Obsession & Burnout-2

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Obsession & Burnout are back to haunt me. I have blogged about it before, but this time, things are a bit worse.

So, the background is, that after months of doing very light-level work, I have been handed a challenging project. Not an impossible project, not an easy one, moderately challenging. Others would be excited for this opportunity (actually were). However, I have already started obsessing about it all the time. My free time everyday, weekends and sleep time has been taken over by obsessively thinking about this project.

Some of this thinking is productive; that is I do accomplish some positive outcome, but most of it is irrational fear. Haven’t slept much last few nights.

Pathetic!

I believe the reasons for this are

  1. Lack of useful distractions away from work because of the lockdown (more apparent during the weekend). Examples of this includes going out to spend time with family, friends & family friends. I have not much to look forward to, all week.
  2. Lack of physical boundaries between work and leisure. Earlier, work happened in the office (mostly) and leisure happened elsewhere. Now there’s only one place for both (home), so it has become difficult to switch off from work mode when the day or week is over.
  3. My usual hang ups about obsession, that were always a part of me.
  4. Uncertainty about future events, some of which are beyond my control.
  5. Fear of failure, which is more or less irrational.
  6. Hectic schedule with both parents working and trying to handle a kid.
  7. Guilt of not spending enough time with family, forcing that to happen and being absent emotionally even then and not doing work either.
  8. Thinking about all the above amplifies the condition.

I plan to follow the steps below to deal with this situation

  1. Practice mindfulness everyday, and make it a part of daily life and log mood daily.
  2. Use organisation hacks like making lists for everything, tracking all To Dos etc.
  3. Writing down things that cross my mind at the end of the work day and when not working and can be done later.
  4. Establish chronological boundaries when it comes to work.
  5. Establish physical boundaries within the house when it comes to work (This might prove a bit difficult)
  6. Finding an engaging hobby (TV generally doesn’t help) to take my mind off such thoughts during leisure time.
  7. Wait for this to blow over, as such phases don’t last more than a few weeks.

For now, I just want one night of good sleep, to recharge my health and sanity, for which I will use a friend’s help.

Gardening

Home Garden – Moss Rose

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The Moss Rose is a short stemmed perennial plant which typically flowers during late spring and early summer. Here’s a good website with more information about this plant.

Moss Rose
My Moss Roses

This pot has 2 different plants, one with orange bloom, the other with white bloom. At the peak of its bloom, it reached 15-20 flowers of both colours and the entire pot was covered with flowers, densely packed.

Moss Rose

This plant requires very little maintenance except pruning of dead branches. No fertilisation is necessary.

I water it between twice a week during peak winters and every day during peak summers.

Here’re some good tools which will help you with your gardening.

Gardening

Home Garden – My Philodendron

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I inherited a money plant (a type of philodendron) from my parents when they moved to to a different city. I re-potted it into a much bigger pot, mixed and matched it with a few different species which resulted in the below.

Philodendron
Philodendron Cluster

This pot is neatly tucked away between my bedroom window and the air conditioner, and has three different plants.

The big, dark green leaves belong to a species of Golden Pothos, which has only 4/5 leaves per plant right now, but are bigger than average money plant leaves, about the size of a ternager’s hand. One cut of this plant also lives in the middle pot of the bottom row of my plant wall.

The smaller, dark green leaves belong to another species of Golden Pothos, which most people can relate to as the common money plant.

The smaller, light green leaves belong to a species of Heartleaf Philodendron. Two cuts of this plant also live in the left and right pots of the bottom row of my plant wall.

View from bedroom

You can cut off branches and pot them and they grow into full-sized plants, as long as there’re some roots left.

These plants require little to no maintenance. The only thing I do occasionally is use cable ties to prop up its branches and attach them to the moss stick. Eventually, the cable ties can be removed once the plants roots burrow into the moss stick.

This pot is kept in partial shade and the plants get 2/3 hours of sunlight late afternoons during the summers and no direct sunlight during the winters.

I water them once a week during the winters and alternate days during the summers. Although they don’t require much fertiliser, I fertilise them every 2 months, which encourages leaf growth.

Here’re some good tools which will help you with your gardening.

Gardening

Home Garden – Lanceleaf BlanketFlower

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The Lanceleaf Blanketflower is a seasonal wildflower plant which lasts during the summer. Here’s a good website with more information about this plant.

Blanketflower
Lanceleaf Blanketflower

I keep this in direct sunlight. The flowers start out as fuzzy balls and then blossom into the beautiful firewheel shape you see below.

  • Fuzzball
  • Flower
Flowers

This plant requires almost no maintenance except occasional fertilizing.

I water it every day during peak summers. I fertilize it every 2 months or depending on when it shows signs of growth.

It will probably die off in a few months, but the beautiful flowers are worth it., while they last.

Here’re some good tools which will help you with your gardening.

Gardening

Home Garden – Aloe Vera

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The Aloe Vera is a stem-less perennial plant which typically flowers during the summer. Here’s a good website with more information about this plant.

Aloe Vera
My Aloe Vera

One day, I noticed a smaller aloe vera plant growing along with the original one in the same pot, so I transplanted it to a smaller pot.

Little Sister

I keep the big one in direct sunlight and the little one in partial shade.

This plant requires almost no maintenance except occasional fertilizing.

I water it between twice a week during peak winters and every day during peak summers. I fertilize it every 2 months or depending on when it shows signs of growth.

If you cut or puncture one of the leaves, a sticky gel comes out and the cut tip fuses in a few days and self heals. I believe I am supposed to put the gel on my skin when I get sunburnt, but the Lockdown doesn’t allow me to get one.

Here’re some good tools which will help you with your gardening.

Education, Rant, Work

Recurring Nightmare

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I have been having this one recurring nightmare for years. There are different variations, but the basic theme is the same.

Theme – I have not managed to graduate from college, because I haven’t passed anywhere between 6-14 exams after my last semester. Now, I am at a stage that I have to clear all my remaining subjects in the next exams, or I have to do my graduation all over again. Also, I lose my job if I don’t produce a valid degree.

Variations – In some of these nightmares, I am determined to study hard and pass this time around, but when I open my books, all the pages are blank, so I cannot study. In some variations, I do manage to study, but end up sleeping through the exam day, waking up in panic in the evening. In some cases, I am not even aware of the exams till the last moment and I end up rushing to the exam centre with no preparations.

In real life, I did manage to graduate almost 14 years ago, but by the skin of my teeth. I passed some subjects (EMF) by some fluke (I studied only a few topics and those are the ones which appeared on the exam) or after multiple attempts (Mathematics-1 took 5 attempts).

However, when I I truly lucked out was during the 8th semester exams. I had appeared for both 7th (failed subjects) and 8th semester exams during my last attempt and had only attempted the bare minimum questions in some of them. I was more surprised than relieved when the results were announced and I realised I had passed in all of these exams and graduated successfully. Later, when the mark sheets were released, I realised it was another fluke.

Nightmare
Fluke!

You see, I had actually failed in Subject 5 above, but, our university had a provision of grace marks. However, the rules were very specific and I had never received grace marks ever, before this. Some rules

  • You would get up to a total of 10 grace marks per semester only.
  • You would only get grace marks if it enables you to pass in all subjects in that semester
  • You would get grace marks only in certain specific denominations
    • Exactly 10 marks in one subject (I would get grace marks only if I score exactly 30 in that subject. 31 would also not do)
    • Exactly 5 marks each in 2 subjects (Need to score exactly 35 in 2 subjects)
    • Exactly 2 marks in 1 subject (which is what I got)

Even though I failed in Subject 5, I was awarded 2 grace marks and I passed that subject and graduated. If I had 1 mark more or less in that subject, I wouldn’t have graduated when I did. Maybe the fact that I graduated because of such a fluke is what triggers these nightmares. Strangely, when I wake up and realise it was all a nightmare, it still doesn’t make me feel better. What a nightmare!

The kicker? The subject that I couldn’t even get passing marks in was related to Computer Networking and I am now a network engineer.

Food & Beverage, Rant, Travel, Work

Weirdest Birthday Ever

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This year, I had the weirdest birthday ever. Normally, my birthday is spent with a close family lunch and a wider family dinner. This year, however, I had to travel to Bangkok for work & since this was my last week in this particular company, I didn’t say no.

I went on the company trip and planned my family to visit me on the weekend before my birthday and stay till the day after my birthday, but because of the Covid-19 situation, their trip had to be cancelled. On top of that, my birthday was a Thai holiday, so I was staring at spending my birthday alone.

I started the day waking up late and having a leisurely breakfast at the hotel.

English breakfast + Samosa

I saw a couple of movies, and then was surprised by the Hotel staff with a birthday cake. The cake was delicious and heavy, so I skipped lunch.

Weirdest Birthday
Cake!

In the evening, I took a long walk to Benjakiti Park, took the Skytrain From Asok to Phrom Phong station and spent some time at the Emquartier mall. After roaming round the Glass Quartier, the Waterfall Quartier, I headed for dinner at the Helix Quartier.

The Helix Quartier PC: รีวิวท่องเที่ยวทั่วไทย

The Helix Quartier is a beautifully designed section of the mall. As the name says, it has a gently sloping walkway in the shape of a Helix without a clear distinction between different floors, with restaurants lining both sides of the walkway. I found a nice Korean Organic Chicken and Rice place and had a hearty meal.

Organic Korean Chicken and Rice

After dinner, I went back to the hotel, alone, watched some TV and fell asleep, thus bringing to end, the weirdest birthday ever.

Rant

Lockdown Day 54 – Freedom!

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Last week, the lockdown rules were slightly relaxed in Gurgaon and it is now allowed to go out and do some things. Freedom at last!

I had been waiting to see my ENT, so I used this chance to step out of my apartment for the first time in almost 2 months.

It was a surreal experience driving after so many days; I had a continuous feeling of guilt, as if I was doing something wrong.

Some Beverages

I returned back home soon enough, but at least it gave me a chance to stock on some beverages. There were very limited brands available, but I wasn’t complaining.

Rant

Lockdown Day 33

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Today is Day 33 of the lockdown. In these 33 days I haven’t gone out of my apartment complex gate once. And it is starting to affect me in some weird and unexpected ways.

  • I do not miss socialising at all. In fact, I welcome this time away from unnecessary socialising.
  • I am having very vivid dreams and remembering them for a change. Normally I hardly have dreams and don’t remember them later.
  • I miss going to Ambience Mall, drinking coffee ☕️ at Barista, eating at Pizza 🍕 Express and just roaming around the mall. It is unlikely malls will open even after the lockdown is relaxed and I am not sure how the mall or the business inside will survive this.
  • I miss drinking fresh beer 🍻 at pubs. Again, not sure when this will happen again.
  • I miss eating out at restaurants. My thoughts especially drift towards Toninos at Two Horizon Center on Golf Course road
  • I miss driving my car 🚗 , while listening to BBC World Service.
  • I miss ordering stuff from Amazon, waiting for the delivery and unboxing the items.
  • I miss going to the park and walking🚶‍♂️ around.
  • I miss going to the nursery to buy new plants 🌱 and fertiliser.
  • I miss going to Galleria, sitting opposite the fountain and sipping Coca Cola.

As per the current situation, restrictions should start lifting in 11 more days, but I have a feeling that’s not going to be the case and things won’t start going back to normal for a long time.

Gardening

Home Garden – Zinnia

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The Narrowleaf Zinnia is a seasonal flowering plant. I got this one early in March and it bloomed recently, with a few other flowers on the way.

Zinnia
My Narrowleaf Zinnia

This is a perennial plant which blooms late spring and stays in bloom for a few weeks (I hope it stays this way over the summers).

Bloom!

This plant requires almost no maintenance except occasional fertilizing.

I keep this in direct sunlight.

I water it between twice a week during peak winters and every day during peak summers. I fertilize it every 2 months or depending on when it shows signs of growth.

Here’re some good tools which will help you with your gardening.