Category Archives: Rant

Rant

How to get over depression effectively..

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Here, from personal experience, I am going to explain how to get over depression effectively and permanently, with the help of a graphical depiction. Time is denoted in the X-Axis and Level of Happiness in the Y-Axis.. The Dark blue horizontal line depicts the zero-level of happiness. The border where happiness turns into depression and vice-versa. The graph is denoted by a light blue line when it is in the happiness zone and by a red line as it enters depression. Points 1 and 2 show common depression ridding techniques like meeting friends, having chocolate or listening to music. As you can see, the graph enters the blue, happiness zone momentarily before sinking into depression again. Also, as you can see, repeated attempts of such techniques cause gradually lower durations of happiness and greater durations of depression. Also, eventually after sometime passes, this procedure doesn’t work at all and you are in a continuous state of depression. Is this the right way to do things??

The Answer is –No!! You deserve much better.

Welcome to Scurvy Dawg’s technique of getting over depression, the quick way. It’s like pulling your tooth out with a jerk. Or, Jerking the tape off your hairy skin.

Next time you go into depression, don’t fight it.. Allow yourself to be gradually consumed by it. Sink deeper and deeper into the gloom. You would feel terrible. You may even cry(It actually helps, believe me) but it would help in the long run. When you think that there’s nothing left going for you, you would hit the threshold of depression. Believe me my friend, if you have reached this far, things CANNOT get worse. Now begins the fast healing process. Observe how the graph rises rapidly. You are gradually cleansing yourself. You are getting rid of all expectations from life. Come on, what you don’t expect can’t fail you. When you cross the happiness barrier and enter into a state of happiness, you cannot help but feel good for yourself. It’s like formatting your hard disk and re-installing the O.S. A new start.. Hope people who have the guts to use this technique are successful..

Rant

Kolkata

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This city fucked me again. Today while going to office I was stuck in a Traffic Jam because some truck filled with human excreta had collapsed on the A.J.C. Road Flyover. It took more than an hour for the jam to clear. Couldn’t even go back because the Jam extended behind us for more than a kilometer and soon the whole flyover was covered with Traffic.

Hate, Rant

Why astrologers suck big time..

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Because they are frauds. And cheaters. They prey on the superstition and ignorance of people and not only do they rob people off their money, but also cause them harm. Few days ago, on TV while browsing channels, I happened to chance upon a show where astrologers cheat people. A class XII pass out had just called and told the astrologer he wanted to pursue engineering and if it was a good time to do it. The astrologer not only asked the person to spell his name in some obscure way, he also advised him not to try engineering this time but wait for next year. I was shocked seeing this!! How could a man play with someone’s future like this? It’s still bearable till you just take money but this was too much? Also disgusting is how they decide if people can get married to each other or not. The whole concept makes me sick to the bone. These fucking bastards are also in league with jewelers from whom they earn a hefty commission when they advice people to wear expensive gems on their fingers, neck and even waist. How the fuck can gems or the positions of planets affect anyone’s future? (Except the astronomers, jewelers and astrologers). Recently in the news, it was reported that Aishwarya Rai (an Indian actress) would cause death to whoever she marries because of the stars. Eventually, before being married, she was married to a tree so that it’s the tree that suffers the horrible fate, not the husbands. This is not only an insult to women but also to the tree which is supposedly going to die a horrible death. Maybe some astrologer would go and set the tree on fire, just to lend credibility to this profession. So meanwhile, Aishwarya Rai is practicing polyandry, which is illegal by Indian law.

You can’t really blame the astrologers. They are just being opportunistic. If there’s such a vulnerability in people at this age, one can’t blame someone for exploiting it. The big question which has me confused is whether the astrologers really believe in what they are doing or whether, even they are subject to superstition(which is an even worse case).

For now, I will satiate myself by making prank callers to astrologers and wishing them a painful existence.

Song of the week:- Time by Pink Floyd

Rant

Stupid Nokia Guys

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Yesterday my phone got soaked in rain along with me. So took the phone to the Nokia Care Center People. After a long wait, they made me a job sheet. Just take a look at it if you may. Click on the image to open a bigger version..

Here are a few details I would like to point out:-

  1. If I dictate the address as “57”, how can anyone write “ST” instead of that?? I can understand someone may make that mistake while copying but how the hell if Idictate it?
  2. “Diamond Harbour” is spelled as “Dimond Habra”.
  3. 23 is written as 25
  4. I dictated 2 mobile numbers of mine. The stupid guy there has liberally added, subtracted the digits from my mobile numbers till the final numbers are 11 digits in length. Wow!!
  5. “Connected” is “Cannected”. The spelling is in sync with their pronunciation.
  6. “Liquid Damage” is “Liquied Dammege”
  7. “Warranty” is “Warrenty”
Rant

How to become a certified Tamil

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Want to become a true Tamil? Need a free step-by-step guide to help you? Well you have come to the right place!!! Just use the following points and you are ready to be a true-blooded Tamil.

  1. Choose a true Tamil name. For the first name, choose any of the names from Selva, Anna, Naga, Chola etc. To this, affix any of the names like Rajan, Arjunam, Swamy by using any permutation/combinations of your choice. You can also have the widely popular name Sarvanam if you are a restaurant or names like Jeevha or Senthil.
  2. Apply half a bottle of coconut oil to your hair and face. Paste your hair in such a way that not even a single strand of hair is able to leave it’s designated position. Also make sure that people around you get suffocated.
  3. Bathing is for fools. Strictly avoid it.
  4. Learn to talk in a sing-song sort of way.
  5. Apply lots of talcum powder on your face so that you seem fairer than you actually are.
  6. Wear a white shirt and a white lungi. Use your lungi to wipe your nose and your hands.
  7. Believe southie movie stars to be gods. Rajnikanth is the ultimate god. Be prepared to murder anyone who insults him.
  8. Erect statues of Gandhi all over the city and start calling him Anna.
  9. Consider North Indians(anyone north of Andhra Pradesh) as inferior fools, be jealous of their fairer skin colour and insult them behind their backs.
  10. Be quite fluent in English and don’t learn a word of Hindi, the national language. While conversing with a North Indian, even if you know Hindi, hide the fact and insult him in Tamil so that he cannot understand.
  11. If you are single, ride a bike. Get atleast 2 of your friends to sit behind you and weave in and out of traffic, hurling abuses in Tamil.
  12. if you are married, ride a scooter and get your whole family to sit behind you and also in front of you. Carry atleast 4 people.
  13. Look the same as everyone else. Select any of these three categories. Clean shaven, moustache or beard and look like everyone in your category.
  14. Put coconut in everything you cook and cook everything in coconut oil.
  15. Take your family for a dinner in a restaurant and sit on any of the tables you find space even if some chairs on that table are already occupied. Don’t order separately for your children. Let them beg for food and then give them morsels from your own plate.
  16. Take your family for a dinner to a North Indian restaurant and order Dosa/Idli. When turned down, make a scene and hurl profanities in Tamil.

If you follow all of these points, you are ready to settle down in this state and feel right at home.

Hate, Rant

Kolkata..

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This place still sucks… All these months away, I had expected atleast some improvement but no!! Yes, there are changes, but no improvements. The traffic is as bad and the roads worse. Riding a bike is a pain in this city. The other day, I was almost run over by a tram. Yes, the tram tracks are on the road itself. Whenever it rains, the traffic situation becomes much worse. It’s also hot, humid and dirty.
The only thing good in this city is Someplace Else, the pub at Park Hotel. With Live bands playing every night and booze not very expensive, it’s a great place. The Hip Pockets play there wednesdays and fridays. They are a treat to listen to. They play all the classics and Pink Floyd numbers.
Also, I like cruising along St. George’s Gate road at night. The traffic is measly and you get a beautiful view of driving along the Hoogly river.
Anyways, getting tired of inactivity and boredom. Trying to accumulate the will to start going to the gym and hopefully, will go on Monday.

Rant

Block..

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Seems like i’m suffering from blogger’s block again.. Don’t have anything to write. Just that life’s going at a very fast rate these days. The last month passed by like a whirlwind.. Anyways, don’t think i’ll be blogging for some time now. Maybe when i’m back in calcutta in june..

Rant

Life’s in the dumps..

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Lately, life’s in the dumps. If it weren’t for a few good things happening in my life right now, I would surely have gone over the edge. Never was the unpredictable nature of life more apparent than it is now. Somethings happen which you never expect 🙂 , somethings which you expect surprisingly don’t happen 🙁 . The worst thing is that you don’t know why you’re down. You sometimes realize your mistakes but then it’s too late to correct them. Sometimes, you don’t even know what went wrong. Three things really help to keep yourself going in the order of preference- Friends, Music and Chocolate. The company of friends is like a magic cure for such things. But surely, the most difficult part of life is making choices. How you wish someone could help you with difficult choices in life but realization dawns in that it’s only you who has to decide and then face the consequences. People may help you a lot in making those choices but it’s only you who has to bear the consequences.
It’s further depressing that I’m writing this instead of studying for my sessional tomorrow. So I think I’ll be off now to study…