I feel sleepy.. That would have been a good thing if it was 3’O Clock at night which is the time I generally want to sleep but I can’t. At that time even if I am dead tired, I lay turning on the bed able to doze off only after an hour or so. It’s here in office that sleep beckons to me the most and it’s so tempting that I just want to go grab a bean bag, find a quiet corner and doze off… Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….
Category Archives: Rant
Lazy bastard 2…
I have indeed been very lazy for the past year. I haven’t been to the gym for more than 10 days, i haven’t really played my guitar. What i’ve done is eaten a lot, drank a lot and wasted money a lot. I have used numerous excuses to myself to explain my laziness. Since most of the reasons stand invalid now, i’ve decided to turn over a new leaf and completely overhaul my life. Even though i perceive rough times ahead…..
How to become a certified Citizen of Gurgaon
Here’s how you can become a true blue citizen of Gurgaon and blend right in with the people here.
1. Be in a farmer family for generations, and when the I.T. boom hits your city, sell the land for 500 times the original amount and become a millionaire overnight.
2. Buy a swanky car, write your children’s name on the rear window and raid the hip night clubs. Show that you have a lot of money but not a trace of culture or education.
3. Make sure to brake so as to make the tires squeal at every turn and play loud music. The music doesn’t have to be audible, just the bass.
4. Always carry a hockey stick, cricket bat, an iron rod or a similar weapon of assault in your car back seat. Always carry a licensed(which means it’s legal to shoot anyone at sight) gun in your trousers.
5. If anyone stares at you while passing by or overtakes you at a high speed, make the bastard stop and beat him up along with your friends abusing in Haryanvi.
6. When talking about money in front of people, never talk below crores.
7. When asking for directions from someone, abuse him and threaten him that if the directions turn out to be wrong, you are gonna make him pay.
8. Always say behenchod (sister fucker) or machod (mother fucker) when you talk to people.
9. Make sure your teeth are stained brown from chewing tobacco and smoking the cigarette.
10. Always be drunk from morning to night and make sure your breath reeks of cheap home brewed alcohol.
The Loner
As the famous saying goes, everyone comes to this world alone and everyone leaves this world alone. People might argue otherwise but then those people are naive and living in a delusionary state. The only people who give a damn about you are your parents. Everyone else is just there in your good times. People might tell you they care about you, but all they care about is the good time you give them. If you’re boring, you have no friends. If you’re funny and entertaining, everyone’s your friend. Friends are very nice to you till you go to movies with them, hang out with them and crack jokes with them. They’re at their very best when you’re drinking with them. When you’re down and need something more than fun, you’ll suddenly find yourself all alone. They’ll keep watching movies, hanging out and drinking with someone else. This is because noone in this whole damn world gives a fuck about you at all when you don’t provide entertainment for them. All the promises of friendship and companionship go for toss at one point or the other. So, respect and love your parents because they’ll be the only ones who’ll be there when you need someone the most. I myself have started thinking only of myself when doing anything at all because as much you think of others, they’ll come back and screw you in the ass. One day you’ll find yourself fucked by anyone and everyone and bleeding at the side of the road with your “friends” and loved ones passing by you on the way to the disco.
Freaky day
Well, yesterday was one hell of a Sunday. Had to stay home all day because the carpenters were doing their work and then in the evening as they left, it started to rain and we were trapped at home. We were sitting at our balcony and enjoying the rain when we saw a couple in the opposite house on the 3rd floor scooping water with mugs and buckets out of their balcony and throwing it in the streets. Their balcony must have been flooded in the rain and the water must have been entering their room the poor fellows. Well, we were always merciless so we laughed openly at them and their misery.
We were sitting in my room at night with the bottle of Smirnoff mentioned in the previous post and enjoying the booze, the music and the conversation when something hit my bed. Looking down, I saw my roommate’s slipper float down the room, past my bed. The whole room was full of water, ankle deep. Turns out, my roommate had left the water on in the cooler and it had overflown and filled the rear balcony. Since our rear balcony doesn’t have a drainage(Bastard builder), the water had filled the room steadily. On the balcony, the water was even deeper and we concluded that no matter what we did, the water in the room won’t go until the water level in the balcony subsided. We tried various things like soaking the water out, sucking the water out with a pipe but nothing worked. Finally with nothing left to do, me and my roommates set out to scoop the water out with buckets and mugs out into the back. It took us more than half an hour before the water level subsided and we could un-flood the room. By the time the mountain dew got warm and the vodka could not be enjoyed anymore. While scooping the water out, we couldn’t help but talk and laugh about the irony of it all. We don’t plan to apologize to the couple though.
Another thing which I discovered about this place was this new method of Pizza Delivery. If the pizza is to be delivered to the first floor of a house, instead of ringing the bell and going to the first floor, the pizza guy shouts out for the person. The person then comes to the balcony to receive the pizza. The pizza guy then skillfully climbs on to the ground floor wall and hands over the pizza to the guy in the balcony. In the same way, the person hands over the money to the pizza guy. I saw this thing happening in various houses on my street all day and finally caught one of these incidents on my cellphone. Click on the photo to see it full size. Can be the basis of a modern version of Romeo and Juliet.. Heh Heh
Smirnoff (Simran-off as called by waiters)..
This was a farewell gift from my office colleagues. By the way I quit my job today and am officially unemployed right now. Will be joining my new job on the 2nd and will enjoy unemployment till then. And the best part!!! I am leaving the city of kill-joy forever!! HA HA HA!!
Jinxed watch
The watch in question is a Citizen EcoDrive WR50 model. It was brought by my mom for me in 2001 from a Citizen store in Chandigarh, Sector-22 and cost around 4500 bucks. Since then, we have had a rough history together. Still remember the University riots at the end of first year in Nagpur. Students were protesting against the abysmal results the university had declared. We were standing amongst the crowd on the road in front of the university campus and chatting about how we should lynch the vice-chancellor. Suddenly there was an uproar and people started running towards the inner courtyard. Swept along with the crowd, me and a friend of mine suddenly found ourselves avoiding a stampede and running towards the inner courtyard. Before we knew it, I was all alone in the courtyard surrounded by policemen. Trying to avoid stick blows, I ran towards the nearest wall as the gate was now manned by 4-5 policemen. Just as I was climbing the wall, there were quite a few blows on my hands and back. Somehow I managed to escape and found myself running towards Birdie as I had never ran in my whole life. When satisfied that I had lost them, I stopped and soon noticed that my watch was no more with me. It must have been shattered by the sticks. That was the end of the watch.
Not quite.
In 2005, my parents visited Nagpur and asked if they could buy me anything. Since I didn’t have a watch, I asked them to get me a watch and promptly chose the same watch/same model. Once again, I walked out of Piramyd Mall wearing the watch. I didn’t wear it much as I am not a “watch” guy. A few days later while coming back from college, riding Neeraj’s bike with him sitting pillion, I met with my first major accident. A madman jumped in front of the bike and the collision sent us flying along the road. Luckily we came out with nothing more than bruises and pain in different parts of the body. As it turns out, I had worn that watch for the first time since I had got it and the glass dial was shattered. I had it replaced at a watch store and didn’t wear it for many days. Until the exams. We were not allowed to take our mobile phones along and I wore my watch so that I could keep time. While coming back from college on my bike and with my friend Sanchit sitting behind me, a madman(on a bike this time) cut me off and trying to make the sharp turn, my bike skidded and once again me and my friend went sprawling along the road. Same injuries at the same places. The watch was severely scratched along the dial.
Since then, I have not worn the watch once and would be unlikely to do so in the near future(Until the scars are gone that is..)
Blog Post
I am writing a post for my blog because I haven’t written one for quite some time. The few people who do come to my blog are now bored of the panty ad. I have no idea what to write. Seinfeld is coming on the TV and Jerry is disturbed because the maid whom he started having sex for has stopped cleaning. What the fuck am I writing? Don’t I have anything better to write now? My phone is running out of battery now. Or is it my laptop? I think I need some beer. But where is it? Wasn’t it on the table? No, that was way back in nagpur. Jerry fired the maid because she had become a prostitute. Hey, I want a game of battleships too. But whom would I play it with? Maybe I should buy a 2-way mirror now.. Sleep is overwhelming. But am I ready to give in yet? Or Am I? Now I am sure I am blabbing. But isn’t that what I have been doing since forever? Oh!! There goes the phone again.. If the battery is low, it should probably get some cocaine. But then I don’t own any Eric Clapton LPs. Elaine is a bitch..
P.D.A. -2
Hello.
Life’s been pretty even these days. Wake up late, barely manage to get to office before it is too late, come back from office, sleep for a while, sit around on the internet and then go out for dinner/beer after 10 when the traffic is bearable. Watch a little TV and then go to sleep and then the cycle repeats again the next day.
It’s now 100 posts and almost 2 and a half years since I started blogging in December 2005. There have been times when I have blogged more than once a day and times when I haven’t blogged for months. There have been sad posts and there have been happy posts. There were posts full of praise and there have been even more posts full of sarcasm, hatred and rudeness. Will keep the sarcasm and hatred flowing here as long as I can..