Category Archives: Rant

Hate, Rant

Shit City

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Had to spend another week at the Shit City Kolkata. Here are a few pics to show you how this place is:-

This is one of the posh neighborhoods near FORUM mall in bhowanipore.


These are pics of a place on Free School street. It’s a huge garbage dump full of garbage and animal carcasses. The place is very stinky, full of flies. The sky above is full of vultures and other birds eating the carcasses and garbage. This place is one of the biggest wholesale areas in Kolkata. Also, you can see kids playing cricket in this shit place. Occassionally, you can feel bits of meat drop from the birds up in the sky.This place sucks..

Hate, Rant

Why I suck..

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These are the reasons I suck:-

  1. I suck
  2. I am unsuccesfull in most aspects of my life
  3. I am not good at anything
  4. I don’t have anything good going on with me
  5. I am repulsive to girls. They find me hideously inattractive
  6. I have a sore throat for quite a few days now
  7. My sessional exams are coming up from monday
  8. I am a disappointment and a burden on my parents
  9. I am foolish enough to believe people like me
Hate, Rant

Let me sleep you bastards!!

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This is to all the bastards who don’t let me sleep. They make it seem like they have been deliberately planted there to prevent me from having a good sleep It’s not that you do it sometimes.. Everyday you come along an interfere with my sleep. I am talking about you guys :-

  1. The Garbage Man:-You come along every morning at 8. I wake up at 9 so this is the time when I am trying to have the last hour of peaceful sleep. But it seems you have some problem with that. It’s not that you scream or shout or anything. You simply push your metal cart along on the road, banging it on the side with a heavy iron pipe. The sound it makes is simply terrible. Believe me. It’s like you are pounding my brain with the rod. Your speed of pushing the cart is so slow, it takes you atleast half an hour from the point the noise started hitting my ears to the time you are totally out of earshot. Apparently, your ears have already been damaged by your own noise because you cannot hear me hurling abuses at you from the window. Also the bulb(which doesn’t work anyways) that hit you on the side of the face last week was from me. Apparently, you thought someone had thrown garbage for you as you put it in your cart and trudged along without any expression on your face. Dude, If I ever see you or your cart in daylight, I am gonna do some serious damage.
  2. The Popcorn Man:-You make your rounds at around 5.15 in the evening. I am at college all day and have to go to gym at 5.30 so I generally try to get 20 minutes of sleep before that. But NO!! You are even more irritating than the garbage man as your Pan that you bang is made of some metal which reverbrates the sound. Even after you have stopped banging the pan, it reverbrates for atleast 5 seconds. Just like a freaking Bell.
  3. The Bastard with the Santro:-You come home every night at around 3 at night from who knows where. You must be whoring or pimping around as your wife is never with you. You have got this Santro that you have fitted with those gadgets which produce terrible shrieking sounds when you put your car in reverse. Again, this is another of those noises which just seem to pound your brain. You TRY parking your car every night by putting it in reverse. The shrieking sound startles me suddenly waking me up. I try sleeping when it stops but AGAIN you put your car in reverse and hence the noise. You have to put your car in reverse atleast 5 times before you can get it into your gate. Either your driving skills suck bad or you are hopelessly drunk. No wonder your gate is scrapped all around and so is your car. By the time you’re done, I am trying to get back to sleep with a terrible headache. You didn’t have to beat the local puncture-repair guy up. He didn’t deliberately puncture all your tyres, I did.
  4. The Hell-Hound:-You are a pure coward. You seem to be a mix-breed of a Hyena and a Mongrel. You are the Santro guy’s pet. You bark all night long at every passerby or animal. Strangely, I have never seen you bark at anyone when the gate’s open. That time, you are mostly cowering behind the Santro. Anyways, what you did last night was pure shit. You killed the Polio-ridden pomerian of next door and dragged him all over the neighbourhood. Dude, that dog was 1/4th your size. Still, you seem to take over half an hour to do it. For half an hour, I was covering my ears with my pillow as you barked at him and mangled him while the poor bastard was yelping for his life. On top of that, you chose the area in front of my house to do it. In the morning as I woke up and went out to buy my biscuits and milk, I saw that you had dragged the poor mutt to your front gate to display it like a trophy. I am waiting for you tonight with my air-gun you bastard. One shot in each of your eyes should do the trick.
  5. The Luna guy:-Well, you don’t choose a particular time to jar my brain but still, mostly you do it early morning at around 5. You live behind my house. You start up your 30cc moped and rev it’s engine as you would do with a sports bike. You find it necessary to warm up the engine for a full 5 minutes at full rpm before you race away to wherever you go. Furthermore, you don’t do it while your moped is on it’s rubber wheels but when it’s on it’s stand. The whole house of mine seems to vibrate with your moped. Don’t be surprised if you find your moped broken to pieces someday.

Given the chance, I would like to take the oppurtunity to beat each of them into a pulp but I am too lazy to wake up and catch you at the act. But hell-hound, you are dead tonight..

Hate, Rant

Fat=Health?

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Now is India one of the un-healthiest countries in the world or what?? Fitness is a thing unheard of. If you tell people you go to the gym, they laugh at you for wasting time. Now, the worst thing is the mentality of the people here. The biggest myth is, Fat=Health. When some fat guy/gal passes by, people say he’s healthy, not fat. How the hell is fat supposed to be good health? You hear people all around you say “You’ve grown thin! That’s so unhealthy!! Why don’t you eat some butter/ghee regularly to gain weight”. Seriously, is this the right way to gain weight? Instead of going to the gym and gaining muscles, people here eat fat, grow fat and are called healthy. Wake up people, the flab rolling around your body is not “HEALTH”. It’s a shortcut to cholestrol, stroke and eventually death. I think, it will take many years before the mentality of the people here changes and then only can the overall health level of the country improve.

Rant

New look

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I really liked the dark old look of my blog but I realised it’s time to change. Luckily, I made a backup of my template before I changed it otherwise all my links, counter and the Adsense would have been lost. Anyways, it’s raining continously whole day. The rain drops are so small, they seem atomized. If you go out, you won’t feel much on your body but soon you would be wet. My roommate has got Chikungunya and is lying prone on his bed. Will take him to the hospital in the morning. Anyways,
HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY TO ALL!!!
 

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Animals, Rant

My friend’s dog looks like Sandra Bullock!!

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In Times of India, there was a mention of this facial recognition site called http://myheritage.com . You can upload your photo and it will compare it with faces of celebrities and gve you a list of celebrities you most resemble. It’s pretty neat and soon you can really see the similarities. But look what happened when I uploaded the photo of Mylo, my friend’s dog. And whoa!!! The results were mind blowing..

And that’s not all. Here are some other celebs he resembles.

Now I have no idea how Mylo would feel about this. Whether to be happy or to be insulted. But maybe it’s better he doesn’t know.

Rant

My punishment..

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This evening was pretty depressing. And I blame it all on google earth. Was just browsing over the planet when I came upon Chandigarh. Zoomed in pretty close and seeing the old roads and familiar structures brought back fond memories of those good ol’ days. I still remember how Bhavesh and I cursed the city before I left for engineering and he left for law studies. We were on his bike going from his home to mine at night and cursing and shouting through the streets. Now I am having to pay the price of my foolhardiness. Soon my parents shifted over to Calcutta. I can frankly say that if Chandigarh was 10, Calcutta is pretty close to 0. I had the best days of my life in that city. I can never forget that first year in college(Class XI) when I used to bunk with Vishal. Then came Iota, Aaron and Atul. Atul has been my friend in my dire times and is one of the best and most genuine guys I know. Had some pretty memorable moments with him. Remember the time you joined our S.U.P.W. class of Industrial Chemistry even though your subject was something else? We got fined by the police for not wearing a helmet while coming back from visiting your cousin. Also miss those days when me, Divyadeep, Siddharth used to bunk tuition classes to go to Barista in Ebony every single evening and used to hit on the chewing gum chick. It hurts to think that those days are never coming back. And lastly, the most memorable times are the one I spent with you, Bhavesh. It was Atul who first introduced us. Remember when we first came to your place for Whistler? You also had Windows XP Plus! installed and used to play bowling on your optical mouse. You also had the Acer cd writer in which you wrote me an Audio CD. I still have that mind you. The countless times you came and rescued me from my place and we roamed about town together spending money like water. I remember I once went with you to some coaching classes where you went to enquire about Redhat classes. You were already an MCSE and CCNA then and that particular day when the institute guys looked up to you with respect when I decided to do something about my computer skills other than playing games and downloading gigs of data.Also, the time we met in VIBGYOR and the time you made a prank call at my home saying that you are from cyber crime division of Police. I can go on listing more such special momets but that will overload the server. I don’t mind that you broke the us.mpeg cd. You can go on breaking as many cds you want and I will mail you more. You are still my friendly wash after all. I also miss your parents and MYLO. Your mom made great AMLA juice(I don’t say it tasted great but it still was GREAT). Also I wish I had got to know your dad better as he is the coolest. It’s a pity that we don’t buy the same mobile phones like before anymore. Maybe we can after(if) I get a job. I would readily give up my Enfield for that trustworthy boxer we rode together for so many kilometres. We kept it up to date with regular(read: daily) oil changes. Also that time was funny when that drunk guy backed into the bike outside HM-vatika.
I have made countless plans of visiting Chandigarh in the past few years but each time something comes up and I have to cancel the plan. It’s a way of punishing me for abusing the greatest city I have ever lived in. Life is shit and barely worth living in this shithole.. Please forgive me so that I can spend more time there…
 

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Hate, Rant

Shittiest television ads..

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  1. Clinic All Clear:Bipasha is sitting in some seaside house and John Abraham comes from somewhere on his bike. Firstly, the sound that’s coming from the 100cc yamaha bike is that of a v-twin engine. Also, if you notice behind the scene, you’ll see that John seems to be coming from the pier and there’s nothing behind that except sea/lake and a boat. So is either the extraordinary bike can travel over water or he has carried his bike on the boat. Really disgusting.
  2. HDFC Life Insurance:There are three main characters in this ad. A guy A, his son and his dad. The dad gets off the train. The son offers his hand but he rejects it and gets down himself as he won’t sacrifice his self respect. Next, as they are leaving, the small child trips over and falls hard on the platform floor. His granpa tries to pick him up but his son(child’s father) stops him from doing so as he won’t allow his dad to sacrifice his self respect. What the hell??? If a child has fallen down and is hurt, how does bending down to help him sacrifice your self respect? I hate this ad and it’s on TV on all the channels all the time.
  3. INTEL Pentium IV: Quite frankly, I feel that Intel processors are overpriced compared to their AMD counterparts. But reputation makes it the leading manufacturer in India. Anyways, remember the first Pentium 4 ads? They show people scanning photos, printing them and mailing them. And don’t forget.. You can also store them and also get a “richer internet experience”. This clearly shows how companies like Intel are maiing use of the largely computer illeterate population of India to promote their products. Can’t you scan and print photos on some other processor? How the hell can a processor affect the internet experience?? Does the Pentium 4 have html decoding on-chip? How can a processor affect the internet speed even unless it’s in the Gbps area??
  4. Royal Stag: Saif Ali khan sees a roadside musician playing guitar to earn money. So what does he do? Takes off his shirt, flexes his muscles and starts playing metal. Now, the guitar is a f-cut acoustic. But since saif’s a hindi movie hero, he can change laws of physics and do whatever he wants. The guitar isn’t plugged in anywhere but still manages to stream out loud music. Also, the sound is distorted without a distortion kit anywhere in sight. Distorted sound on an acoustic f-cut which ain’t plugged in? Really magic. Also, a female cop gets out of her car to arrest saif but instead seduced by his biceps and music instead loosens her hair and starts taking of her clothes. Really funny and childish.
  5. Slimming Belts: These products appear on numerous TV channels. What they claim is you just put the belt on for an hour each day and you will lose an inch every sitting. These are american ads translated in Hindi. The people(always 1 guy and 1 girl) always wear a stuoid expressions and fake smiles on their face. The before and after photos are clearly visible as doctored in photoshop. No diets necessary, you just put on the belt and lose fat and gain muscles doing nothing. Wake up people, if this was possible, people won’t be going to gyms working their asses off.
  6. Thums Up: This ad features Akshay Kumar wearing fake long hair. He’s standing on a beach holding a bottle of Thums Up but is unable to find an opener or any other way to open the bottle. So what he does is, climbs up a lighthouse. (Not inside, but the outside and goes right to the top without ropes or harnesses). He holds his bottle high up in the air and allows lightning to strike it. Magically, the cap blows off leaving the bottle intact. He then drinks it holding his head high unharmed by the lightning. This feat will put Benjamin Franklin and his kite experiment to shame for sure and make him cry out from his grave.

These are the most ridiculous ads on Televison these days and reflects the standards of the viewers. There are many more and would post them if I remember them.

Rant

What I’ve been doing..

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I am back in Kolkata. As usual, the city sucks big time. Got nothing to do, just sit at home and watch TV for hours, get a headache, have disprin, watch TV some more and then have disprin again. The weather is as humid as 6 months before. It sucks whereas Traffic is worse. Zee cafe is my favorite channel these days. Get lots of TV sitcoms like Friends, Full House(I love you michelle..), Seinfield, Caroline in the city etc. I have discovered that when couples go out in this city and visit some cafe or restaurant, they both sit on the same side of the table. Found that very wierd. Went out only once to watch a movie “Krrish”. Going to the gym in our society 5 times a week. After working out in a gym like Deshpande’s for so many months, I find it strange to workout in our colony gym which is Air Conditioned. Also, the gym has lacs of equipment for cardio but not enough for weight training. Also, the trainer is a creep whose only goal seems to be hitting on the chubby girls who workout for hours. According to him, every free weight exercise is bad for the body and damages the bones and has been banned. Also playing the guitar even though the strings are worn and I am too lazy to go out and search for new ones. The few friends I had here are busy with their girlfriends. Anyways, plan to celebrate Dad’s birthday on 10th and leave by 11th. Got a new motherboard for my PC. Can’t wait to get back to nagpur and get back on my bike. A car is OK but not the same as a bike.
Song of the day” Eye of the Tiger – Survivors”