Yesterday was holi, the festival of colors. Woke up early, went to the hostel and had a blast!!! We tore each other’s clothes off and played holi(apply colored powder and paste) till late afternoon. After that came the time for Bhang(local cannabis drink). As I had never had it before, I underestimated it’s intoxicating properties and had 7 glasses straight away. Since it was made in the hostel, it was not properly mixed and I could feel several lumps of Bhang pass my throat but I didn’t give that a second thought. Got my mobile/wallet from Sonal’s cupboard and came home, washed myself as well as I could and went off to sleep. Now whatever happened after this I am not sure but I have tried to piece the story together from the narrations of my friends..
Viggi woke me up a couple of hours after I went to sleep and took me to CCD on his bike. Apparently we had lots of food and coffee there(I don’t remember any of this). We came back and I went off to sleep. I next woke up at 10 in the night and asked Prateek to bring me some food. At this point, I have memory only in flashes of 10 seconds. I was standing in front of the Cupboard and then I had forgotten why.. Standing in front of my house but didn’t know why!!!! I was just drifting in and out of consciousness. Again, I went off to sleep and woke up sometime after 2 at night dying of hunger, found the Biriyani Prateek had got for me and ate it with my bare hands only and then again rolled off to sleep.
Woke up this morning finding everything to be normal. Brushed my teeth, bathed and headed off to the hostel. Midway I confused driving my bike with flying an aeroplane in Microsoft Flight Simulator 2004. One minute I seemed to be driving my bike and the next minute, I was having a sensation of free fall. Reached hostel somehow to find the others in a similar situation. We joked around and then I again went to sleep. Came back to the flat in the evening with all the effects of the Bhang gone. Went to dinner with friends a few hours back. As soon as I had started having dinner, I started feeling lightheaded again. Asked viggi to drive my bke and came back home somehow and started writing for the blog. For everyone out there looking for a cheap high for a long time, go for a Bhang(only Rs 15/-(less than half a dollar)) and 2 days of high… I am now going off to sleep just hoping that the effects will be gone by tomorrow and the hangover is not too horrible…
Category Archives: Rant
Look who’s here!!
Is it a bird?
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Is it an Airplane???
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No!!!! It’s Groong!!!
Hails from Gangtok and studies Architecture in Nagpur.
Dresses up like a hip-hop artist but wields the guitar very well. He is generally nocturnal but sometimes finds it necessary to produce some vitamins and hence exposes himself to sunlight. Eats whenever he feels hungry and spends his allowance within the first 5 days of the month and then lives on borrowed stuff. Bathes whenever fellow hostelites throw him out. Is famous for his wierd haridos and piercings. Disappears for months from the face of the earth, nowhere to be found just to be seen one day in the hostel as if he never left. Overall a friendly and nice person.
What I have been doing..
Basically, I am too busy. The weeks sail forth like a blur. It ain’t that I am too busy to blog but there’s nothing new to blog. Go to college every morning, then come back, rush off to gym, then come back, go out and eat something, play Need for Speed Most Wanted, check my mails, surf around checking my friends’ blogs. Have dinner and then read myself to sleep. Several times during the week, I have to replace my pleasure activities with writing practical files(I write my assignments in class which saves time and saves me from the boring drones of the teachers). Also, there’s always the same feeling of having less money than I need. The book I am currently reading is “To kill a mockinbird”. Excellent book. I will be sorry when I reach the end. Was plannign to go to Bengaluru(Bangalore) to meet a friend but turns out he ain’t a friend, just a fiend full of empty promises so will most probably givin Microsoft Certification exams during holi. Hooked to a great song by Sixpence none the richer-Kiss Me. It’s a cute song, sung by a cute girl and with a cute video. And top of that, the chords are really easy
D Dmaj7 D7 Dmaj7 which is really cute….
Here are the cute lyrics.
Will get back if there’s any news.
The amazing traffic of Nagpur..
I heard that there was some information about the traffic sense of the people of Nagpur circulating around the people of Chandigarh and I thought it necessary to dispel the rumours. I am from Chandigarh and have never seen better roads or driving sense anywhere else in India. Anyways, getting back to the people of Nagpur, I would certainly say that they have great driving sense. But it is a little bit different than the rest of the country. I have tabulated the traffic rules modified especially for the high I.Q. people of Nagpur in the following points:-
- Remove any silencers/mufflers from your bikes/cars.
- If you are driving slow, drive on the rightmost lane so that people can overtake you from the left.
- If you are driving on the wrong side of the road, instead of driving by the side, drive straight through the middle. If it is dark, make sure you do not switch on your headlight.
- If you want to turn left, turn the right blinkers ON, start turning right and at the last moment change your mind and turn left thus fooling the ones behind you.
- To save your brake shoes from wear, don’t brake at all at a trafic signal. Use the cushioning effect of the vehicle already standing at the signal to stop you. If you are on the vehicle which has been bumped into, utter a few obsenities in Marathi and then ignore the incident as a daily occurence.
- While crossing the road, stand by the side of the road till you see some traffic. Wait till the vehicle is a few meters from you and then start crossing the road at a run.
- If you are female, disregard everything around you and start crossing the road without straying your eyes from your destination on the opposite side of the road. If you are attentive enough to hear the screeching of vehicles coming to a stop because of you, give them a look as if they deserve death.
- If you have already crossed the road, turn back at the last moment so that at least one of the vehicles(only 2-wheelers) hits you head-on. In the unfortunate incident incident that the driver survives, start shouting about how it was the driver’s fault and allow the surrounding people to beat him into a pulp and break his bike. Also ask for compensation.
- If you see a poor canine somewhere on the road, try to run over him to liberate him from his painful suffering life.
- If you are driving along a road and suddenly see something of interest, brake immediately in the middle of the road. If someone bangs into you from behind, lay all the blame on him.
- If you feel the need to park somewhere, disregard the parking places and park in the middle of the road in a way which would cause the maximum traffic disruption.
- If you are a pedestrian, throw stones and pebbles at the people driving by.
- If some blows his horns at you from behind indicating that he wants to overtake you, move a little to the left to let him come to par with you and then suddenly start moving right slamming into him, testing his reflexes.
- If you are on your vehicle, stationary at the side of the road and want to start moving, throw your vehicle in high gear and drive perpendicular to the road swerving widely so as to go as far as the other side of the road before coming back into your own lane.
- If you are on a cycle, instead of driving straight, drive in a manner so as to make a figure S on the road touching all the lanes.
- If more than one bikes are driving along, drive in echelon formation taking up the whole width of the road and refuse to let people overtake you.
- If you want to prove that you are a true Nagpurian, as soon as you pass by some happening place, throw your bike in high gear, roaring past all others, swerving your bike left and right and then brake suddenly burning rubber on the road.
Had a B’Day Blast
My Birthday is finally over. Now I can breathe a sigh of relief. It didn’t start off too well. After my mom called up, my friends “celebrated” my birthday if celebration is the right word for it. I was beat up mercilessly for around 20 minutes. Repeated pleas that I was sick fell on deaf ears. While the molecules of their feet was fusing with the molecules of my arse, I couldn’t help but think that I deserved it as I had done the same thing(or maybe more) on their birthdays. After that came the time for gifts. I got 3 t-shirts, a GeForce 6200(256 Mb DDR), A bottle of swedish vodka,greeting cards, a pen, a keyring and several burst blood vessels both on my arms and my back(which I didn’t realise till the next morning). Couldn’t party because I was sick and also because of some communal riots in this city. Anyways, this is the last birthday I am going to get beaten up in and am sure to take revenge on the people whose birthdays are yet to come (You are dead Rohit!!!!!!!)
The standard of Nagpur University
It’s almost 4 years I am studying in this shitty university and recently, this fact came to light. I couldn’t understand how no one noticed this for more than 15 years since the existence of the university. It’s the admission card for the exams. Apparently it’s not an admission card but an “ADDMISSION CARD” as you can see in Exhibit A.
Exhibit A
I cannot understand how a university, which holds examinations for all the subjects in english does not know basic spelling skills. As you can see in the next exhibit(Exhibit B), the basic rules for the examinations are in Marathi. How the hell are the students who don’t understand this so called “prestigious language” who make up almost 70% of the college crowd supposed to understand what’s written??
Exhibit B
P.S.: I forgot to mention that girls and boys are alotted separate roll numbers so that they don’t sit together and hence spoil the culture of the great state…
Arrange the following…
One day I got an sms asking me to arrange the following in order of their importance in my life.
God, Friends, Parents, Love, Money, Sex. So here you are:-
- Parents
- Friends
- Love
- Money
- Sex
God ain’t on my list because I refuse to add somethin on the list which doesn’t exist. I would be obliged if you would arrange them according to your choice in the comments section..
My Hate list..
This is my hate list. These are the people I would wish to rot in hell for eternity.
- Ekta Kapoor:-You are a rich business tycoon. You are also responsible for poisoning the minds of lacs of Indians with your meaningless and depressing tv serials. Your serials contain nothing but shit. Women and men plotting against each other and killing each other. Notable features of your serials are people returning from the dead, getting plastic surgery and changing their faces completely, couples re-discovering lost children after 20 years, villians turning into good people after their mothers reformed them. Sometimes the mother is not high on patience just kills her own son in matrix style, slow motion and thus making a huge sacrifice for the society. You believe that starting your serial’s names with K will make them a huge hit. You even introduce multiple ‘k’s in the names. If I ever get my hands on you, I will strangle you to death but not before I torture you for days on end by showing you your own serials.
- Smriti Irani:-You play the self-sacrificing daughter-in-law on many serials on TV. You look really bad and you make matters worse by dousing your face in false tears most of the time. In real life, you were homeless and when your best friend gave you a place to stay under her own roof, you eloped with her husband. You killed your own son on TV. You shot him matrix style and when he didn’t die, you strangled him in the hospital bed. But you as usual, come out to be the great sacrificer. You support frauds like Ram Dev Baba. I hate you as much as I hate Ekta Kapoor.
- Courtney Love:-You killed Kurt Cobain and got away with it!! You deprived the world of his great music. Thanks to you, I will never see him perform live. You have appropriately named your band HOLE. You can’t even take care of your daughter Frances Bean Cobain because most of the time you are in prison or a rehabilitation centre. You even bared your non-existant assets playing live on stage. I will hate you till eternity.
- Jay Z:-I really used to like Linkin Park till you came and poisoned their music with your f*****g hip-hop. I had to tear away the LP posters and throw the cds out of the window. Your head is shaped like a potato, your torso is shaped like a potato and your whole body is also shaped like a potato. You are also going out with beyonce(I hate her too).
- Anu(s) Malik:-You are the biggest Plagiarist in the history of India. You shamelessly plagiarise songs from other artists. Americans, British, Indian songs all have been victim of your Plagiarism. How can you copy a song word by word/music beat by beat and claim it was just a co-incidence? And your excuse of getting inspired from someone’s music also doesn’t work. I am inspired by Nirvana but I can’t play Smells Like Teen Spirit with my friends, record it and start selling. It’s an insult both to the intelligence of people and the artist. You are a big snob even on Indian Idol. You make fun of people openly. You even introduced yourself to Pierce Brosnan as the biggest music director of India.
- Clubber Lang:-You are a fictitious character, but I still hate you. You killed Mickey Goldmill in Rocky 3. I will never forgive you for this.
- Donald Trump:-You look like a dork. Just because you are rich, doesn’t mean you are attractive. All those beautiful women you go around with are just with you because of your money. Your hairstyle??? I hate comb-overs and hate you. I will prefer to starve than work with you.
- Queen Latifah:-Just your name cracks me up. Queen??? Of what? The gutters? You look like a hippo. You even have the nerve to dance in front of millions. I am also jealous of your biceps. I wish I had such huge biceps and broad shoulders. You are so manly!!!
- Britney Spears:-I hate your songs and I hate you. I also hate Christina Aguilera but since I cannot find any difference between the lot of you, I have only allotted one entry. You look and dress like whores and expect people to watch your songs to see you dancing around half-naked(which they do). Your music sucks. You can’t even call it music. The hyenas of the neighbourhood are much more musical than all of you put together. You tried to imitate Ross and Rachel in FRIENDS and got married drunk and got it annulled a few days later.
- 50 Cent:-Or half dollar as grooveguru calls you, you are self proclaimed pimp. You used to peddle drugs and got shot in the face. Suddenly you realised how the quality of music has come down in the recent years and thought you had a good chance at getting rich legally. You recorded songs, danced around the screen with naked girls, calling them hoes and yourself a pimp and much more obscenities much to the delight of the listeners who squeal with pleasure as they hear your songs on screen.
What I wanted to be..
- When I was very small, I wanted to be a doctor so that I could heal people.
- In school, between the age of 10 and 12, I wanted to be a cricketer. My idol was Sunil Gavaskar.
- Between the ages of 13 and 15, I wanted to be a commercial pilot.
- Between the ages of 16 and 17, I wanted to be an astronaut.
- In high school, since I was fascinated by physics, I wanted to be a scientist. My idol was Einstein.
- In college, I was heavily influenced by Rocky and I wanted to be a boxer. I started jogging, working out heavily and without a change in diet, quickly lost 10 kgs making me look like a stick.
- For the last 2 years, I want to be a guitarist for a rock band. My Idol? None other than Kurt Cobain.
Now, slowly as reality sinks in, all those dreams are lost. In this world, just to survive, you have to get a good degree and beg for a job. To be any of the above, you need exceptional skills/the will to study very hard and I have neither of them. It’s better I stick to what I can really do and am good at(Computers).
Why the last few months haven’t been exactly great for me…
- The piston of my bike siezed owing to the a jammed oil filter and I had to get a new one.
- I had a terrible accident on my friend’s bike and nearly got my head smashed. I still have the scars from that accident.
- One of my friends killed himself by hanging and I saw the dreadful sight. That sight lingered in front of my eyes during my exams. My spirits were in the dumps the whole time.
- Expecting my spirits to lift at new year, I had to see a terrible accident scene in front of PP’s garage pub.
- I travelled back home to Kolkata by sleeper class. Caught fever on the way and shivered the whole way with the chilly wind blowing across me. One of the worst and longest nights ever.
- I had to stay in bed for many days till I recovered from the fever/cold.
- The joystick of my mobile popped off and I couldn’t find a new one.
- The barber cut my hair too short, making me look like a damn cactus.
- I was on my way to Nagpur on 25th when the train tracks were blown up by naxalite rebels and I had to run away and come back home by a series of different local trains full of stinky people.
Hope my luck changes by the time my birthday arrives and I enjoy at the concert.I am now going directly to mumbai on 1st.